Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person's childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person's life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.398

A person's childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person's life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 398
Museums are educational places. However, nowadays, people have to pay an entrance fee to enter galleries. Although, this phenomenon can lead to negative effects, I believe that has more benefits than drawbacks. Entrance fees increase the income of museums and they will have money to operate personnel cost, equipment, electricity, renovating the damaged areas and water bills. This will result in museums can generate their own revenue to improve the place effectively to attract people. For example, to update their exhibits and keep the place clean and good-looking and fees can provide a hassle-free entry to others who actually want to gain knowledge. I have visited a large number of museums and I have learnt that museums, which sell tickets are better than those that do not charge for tickets in terms of places, information. Some galleries take money for charity to help the orphanage, old age homes, the animal shelter. It cannot be denied that the price of tickets can bring about the detrimental impacts to people and museums. From the people’s perspective, they cannot afford to attend exhibitions that have paid. From museums’ perspective, they cannot attain one of their objectives to develop people. In conclusion, charging an entry fee may certainly reduce the number of people visiting the museum; however, it generates revenue which can be used for the proper maintenance of the place. Over time, this may actually increase the number of visitors; hence, in my opinion, the advantages of collecting a fee from the visitors outweigh the disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
However
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay an entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
to enter galleries. Although, this phenomenon can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, I believe that has more benefits than drawbacks.

Entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
increase the income of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
museums and
they will have money to operate personnel cost, equipment, electricity, renovating the damaged areas and water bills. This will result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can generate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
revenue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
effectively
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, to update their exhibits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
clean and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-looking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
can provide a hassle-free entry to others who actually want to gain knowledge. I have visited
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, which sell tickets are better than those that do not charge for tickets in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
galleries take money for charity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the orphanage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes, the animal shelter.

It cannot
be denied
that the price of tickets can bring about the detrimental impacts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. From the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perspective, they cannot afford to attend exhibitions that have paid. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums’
perspective, they cannot attain one of their objectives to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, charging an entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
may
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
;
however
, it generates revenue which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the proper maintenance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. Over time, this may actually increase the number of visitors;
hence
, in my opinion, the advantages of collecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
from the visitors outweigh the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay A person's childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person's life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 398

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts