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Your friend is travelling to a new country for university. What advice would you give your friend and why? v.1

Your friend is travelling to a new country for university. What advice would you give your friend and why? v. 1
Nowadays, it appears that a growing percentage of the population is moving from remote areas to dwell in city centres. This situation can lead to overpopulation and cramped living situations so a comprehensive solution is to address the root cause of the problem and develop the rural districts. To begin with, the most striking negative implication of rural depopulation is overpopulation in built-up areas. This means that people coming from the provinces will overcrowd in downtown areas; therefore disturbing the balance of life in the community. For instance, many are convinced that better opportunities await for them in the metropolis and for that reason, they decide to take the risk and pursue a career in the metro. On such ground, the major inconvenience is on the overall welfare of people living in the city. On the other hand, a reasonable approach to tackle the current trend of city migration is to increase the economic activity in rural areas. To put it into perspective, if different sectors of industries will be introduced and supported in underdeveloped regions, there will be no reason for individuals to leave the comforts of their own homes. As a good example, it is common knowledge people will always prefer to be with their family if there is a promising employment in the local community. With that in mind, the primary concern in this modern trend will be resolved. To summarize, in order to avoid the repercussions brought by the current preference of living in the city, which is excessive population, major breakthroughs should be introduced to rural provinces.
Nowadays, it appears that a growing percentage of the population is moving from remote
areas
to dwell in city
centres
. This situation can lead to overpopulation and cramped living situations
so
a comprehensive solution is to address the root cause of the problem and develop the
rural
districts.

To
begin
with, the most striking
negative
implication of
rural
depopulation is overpopulation in built-up
areas
. This means that
people
coming from the provinces will overcrowd in downtown
areas
;
therefore
disturbing the balance of life in the community.
For instance
,
many
are convinced
that better opportunities await for them in the metropolis and for that reason, they decide to take the
risk
and pursue a career in the metro. On such ground, the major inconvenience is on the
overall
welfare of
people
living in the city.

On the other hand
, a reasonable approach to tackle the
current
trend of city migration is to increase the economic activity in
rural
areas
. To put it into perspective, if
different
sectors of industries will
be introduced
and supported in underdeveloped regions, there will be no reason for individuals to
leave
the comforts of their
own
homes. As a
good
example, it is common knowledge
people
will always prefer to be with their family if there is a promising employment in the local community. With that in mind, the primary concern in this modern trend will
be resolved
.

To summarize
, in order to avoid the repercussions brought by the
current
preference of living in the city, which is excessive population, major breakthroughs should
be introduced
to
rural
provinces.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend is travelling to a new country for university. What advice would you give your friend and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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