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Some people think that we should have shorter work weeks and longer hours. What do you think and why? Give examples and details in your response. v.1

Some people think that we should have shorter work weeks and longer hours. What do you think and why? Give examples and details in your response. v. 1
In many nations, few individuals are of view that it is imperative to use a significant amount of cash on modern innovations in railways, for better transportation services that links urban centres, while others are convinced that the money should be apportioned in an already established means of transportation. Both sides of these arguments will be placed under careful scrutiny in this essay. In my opinion, it is certainly advantageous to allocate government funding on advanced equipments. On the one hand, the generation today is reaping the benefits of technological breakthroughs that offers convenience in everyday living. So in order for this tremendous opportunity not to go to waste, people will have to make the most out of it, especially in aspects of transportation. For instance, since a significant portion of the general population uses public transportation, it should be the priority of the governing body to upgrade this sector. On such ground, the travel time requirement to go to different city centres will be greatly reduced, thereby improving everyone's lifestyle in the country. On the other hand, some people believe that financial disbursements should lean towards improvement of the facilities that are already in place. This is logical in the sense that certain additions would just need to be identified and implemented; however, it will eventually be a huge waste of money because those machines are already outdated and will soon need to be replaced. For example, if a 1998 model train is scheduled for a costly maintenance check, then the proposal to just replace it with a brand-new model is certainly more practical. In that sense, I concur that it is better to invest state funds in up to date means of transportation. To summarize, I certainly acknowledge the perspective of allocating the budget for a total upgrade of transportation system in the metropolis because it provides convenience and practicality in the long run.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, few individuals are of view that it is imperative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a significant amount of cash on modern innovations in railways, for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
services that links urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, while others
are convinced
that the money should
be apportioned
in an already established means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. Both sides of these arguments will
be placed
under careful scrutiny in this essay. In my opinion, it is
certainly
advantageous to allocate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding on advanced equipments.

On the one hand, the generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is reaping the benefits of technological breakthroughs that offers convenience in everyday living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in order for this tremendous opportunity not to go to waste,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most out of it,
especially
in aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
For instance
, since a significant portion of the general population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, it should be the priority of the governing body to upgrade this sector. On such ground, the travel time requirement to go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
will be
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, thereby improving everyone's lifestyle in the country.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that financial disbursements should lean towards improvement of the facilities that are already in place. This is logical in the sense that certain additions would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to
be identified
and implemented;
however
, it will
eventually
be a huge waste of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those machines are already outdated and will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
need to
be replaced
.
For example
, if a 1998 model train
is scheduled
for a costly maintenance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
, then the proposal to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
replace it with a brand-new model is
certainly
more practical. In that sense, I concur that it is better to invest state funds in up to date means of transportation.

To summarize
, I
certainly
acknowledge the perspective of allocating the budget for a total upgrade of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system in the metropolis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides convenience and practicality in the long run.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that we should have shorter work weeks and longer hours. What do you think and why? Give examples and details in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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