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Tell me about some advice you received that was helpful to you. You should say: who gave you the advice? what was the advice? why was the advice helpful to you? v.1

Tell me about some advice you received that was helpful to you. You should say: who gave you the advice? what was the advice? why was the advice helpful to you? v. 1
For students, in some nations, schools provide a chance to do work, hence they can sharpen their intellectual and physiological skills sans any wages. I believe that this practice can have multifarious pros in spite of some cons which I shall discuss in this essay. Firstly, the opportunity to do work in a team cannot be overlooked. In other words, as we know everyone lags behind in communication skills and the only way to improve this skill is when we come across the views of different people which can be done only by joining a group in any working area. Therefore, by doing so students can develop their communication skills. Secondly, the arrangement of free help for some companies and institutions also deserves a careful attention. To simplify, when students start working without money, although they do not get anything in return, some companies can get a great profit from this practice, because they can reduce the number of paid employees due to the availability of free workers. Contrarily, it is also true that, from a working point of view, the students may prove to be burdened for their parents. For example, if a student does not earn money by doing, then he/she may, ultimately, increase the fiscal concerns of his/her family. Moreover, the reduction in enthusiasm cannot be neglected. Since a student is not getting money to work, so it could lessen one's academic performance. After considering the aforementioned information it can be concluded that, by neglecting some monetary problems, by joining working programmes, students can not only hone their communication skills, but they can also act as a free source of workforce for many big companies.
For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, schools provide a chance to do work,
hence
they can sharpen their intellectual and physiological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
sans any wages. I believe that this practice can have multifarious pros
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons which I shall discuss in this essay.

Firstly
, the opportunity to do work in a team cannot
be overlooked
.
In other words
, as we know everyone lags behind in communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across the views of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which can
be done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by joining a group in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
area.
Therefore
, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can develop their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Secondly
, the arrangement of free
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and institutions
also
deserves a careful attention. To simplify, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
without money, although they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything in return,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a great profit from this practice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of paid employees due to the availability of free workers.

Contrarily
, it is
also
true that, from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may prove to
be burdened
for their parents.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
does not earn money by doing, then he/she may,
ultimately
, increase the fiscal concerns of his/her family.
Moreover
, the reduction in enthusiasm cannot
be neglected
. Since a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is not getting money to work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it could lessen one's academic performance.

After considering the aforementioned information it can
be concluded
that, by neglecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
monetary problems, by joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hone their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
act as a free source of workforce for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Tell me about some advice you received that was helpful to you. You should say: who gave you the advice? what was the advice? why was the advice helpful to you? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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