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Your friend has decided to switch careers, but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v.3

Your friend has decided to switch careers, but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 3
Some people even experts argue that young people should look outwards that is towards the market demands, job opportunities and choose a careers based on these points. However, I strongly disagree with such view points and argue that the choice of career or switching of career should be a decision made after looking inwards that is after looking for personal interest and passion in the career to be pursued and support by viewpoint by giving two examples. First of all, the decision of career switching is an important decision in any person’s life and therefore has to be given prime importance. The decision has to be made considering the long term goals and passion and not the current scenario because the market is very dynamic in nature. What is considered as a good job in the present times will be obsolete in the near future. To survive this fall and rise of market, it is necessary that the person should have passion. For example, advent of the 2nd world war was market growing demand of nuclear scientists bit now considering its adverse effects on nature and health, it is not considered to be in great demand. The above example very clearly indicates that if this decision was made based on outwards points then the switching of careers has to be done more frequently which is undesired. If the decision is taken based on the passion that is by looking inwards then if the market changes because the person likes the subject and path of career, he or she will continue to work thus making the decision very effective. Secondly, it is also important for the person to be happy in the career that is chosen because then the happiness index of the person will be high and he or she will choose to stick to this career even if fluctuations are seen or the market is disrupted. For instance, I wanted to pursue organic chemistry and while doing so I feel happy thus increasing my interest in the subject even more, on the other hand, if a person who had passion for marketing but is still working for an IT firm as a coder will not fulfill the duties or responsibilities assigned to the individual and thus gets into the list of inefficient employee. The above example very clearly states that the choice of career and the decision to change the career should be made considering the happiness of the individual to sustain in the path for long runs and helps to grab opportunities whenever presented with one. The factors on which this decision should be made differ from person to person and therefore is a complex issue to tackle. The people who support taking this decision on the outwardly nature may be even right as in the case of information technology which is now quite a stable market therefore has lot of opportunities. I prefer that the decision of changing the career should be made on the basis of genuine interest in the career with unmatched passion and the happiness of the individual while pursuing this career path to get the best results from efforts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
even experts argue that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should look outwards
that is
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
demands, job opportunities and choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
based on these points.
However
, I
strongly
disagree with such view points and argue that the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
or switching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
made after looking inwards
that is
after looking for personal interest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to
be pursued
and support by viewpoint by giving two examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
switching is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
life and
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
prime importance. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be made
considering the long term goals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
and not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dynamic in nature. What
is considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in the present times will be obsolete in the near future. To survive this fall and rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, it is necessary that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
.
For example
, advent of the 2nd world war was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
growing demand of nuclear scientists bit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
considering its adverse effects on nature and health, it is not considered to be in great demand. The above example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
clearly
indicates that if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
was made
based on outwards points then the switching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be done
more
frequently
which
is undesired
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
is taken
based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
that is
by looking inwards then if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
likes the subject and path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, he or she will continue to work
thus
making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective.

Secondly
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to be happy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that
is chosen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
then the happiness index of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
high and
he or she will choose to stick to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
even if fluctuations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is disrupted
.
For instance
, I wanted to pursue organic chemistry and while doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I feel happy
thus
increasing my interest in the subject even more,
on the other hand
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
for marketing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
still
working for an IT firm as a coder will not fulfill the duties or responsibilities assigned to the individual and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
into the list of inefficient employee. The above example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
clearly
states that the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
should
be made
considering the happiness of the individual to sustain in the path for long runs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to grab opportunities whenever presented with one.

The factors on which this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
should
be made
differ from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and
therefore
is a complex issue to tackle.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who support taking this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
on the
outwardly
nature may be even right as in the case of information technology which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
quite a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
therefore
has
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
opportunities. I prefer that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
of changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
should
be made
on the basis of genuine interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
with unmatched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
and the happiness of the individual while pursuing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best results from efforts.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend has decided to switch careers, but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
526 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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