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The graph below shows the number of trips made by children in one country to travel to school in 1990 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant. v.1

The graph below shows the number of trips made by children in one country to travel to school in 1990 and 2010.
Due to easy access to air travel, the trend of travelling for touristic or other reasons has significantly increased. Many countries are adding flights every day to meet this huge demand and this is worrisome for environmentalists. This superfluous air travel has damaged air quality and can be avoided by discouraging travelling for leisure. Growing number of flights everyday has lead to sharp rise in air pollution in last decade. This is due to byproducts of fuel, left in the air, used to drive aeroplanes. Since the engine of aeroplane needs large amount of energy for ignition alone, fuel is used in massive quantities. Needless to say, the pollution index rises exponentially with each air vehicle passing through the air. Statistics show that air quality in countries, where air travel is popular, has dropped by 55% in last five years. These figures are clear manifestation of havoc, frequent usage of air transport is wreaking on the environment. The best way to reduce the number of flights is to impose heavy environment taxes on tourism. In last few years, most of the air travelers have been tourists because tickets are cheap and flights are readily available. Considering the levels of rise in pollution, air travelling for the sake of fun cannot be afforded so, governments should move to tax such trips. It will force masses to think twice about environment damage before booking a ticket to exotic destination, and reduce this trend altogether. Furthermore, the money collected from such taxes can be used to find alternative energy resources for air vehicles and make strategies for protection of environment. To conclude, to meet the increasing demand of travelling by air, airports have added more flights in their schedule but it has deteriorated air quality. Therefore, this issue needs to be addressed immediately and it can only be done by implementing financial restrictions on tourism in the form of environment protection tax.
Due to easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for touristic or other reasons has
significantly
increased.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries are adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
every day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this huge demand and this is worrisome for environmentalists. This superfluous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel has damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
quality and can
be avoided
by discouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for leisure.

Growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
has lead to sharp rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution in last decade. This is due to byproducts of fuel,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to drive
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
. Since the engine of
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
needs large amount of energy for ignition alone, fuel is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in massive quantities. Needless to say, the pollution index rises
exponentially
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
vehicle passing through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
. Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
quality in countries, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel is popular, has dropped by 55% in last five years. These figures are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
manifestation of havoc, frequent usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
transport is wreaking on the environment.

The best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
is to impose heavy environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on tourism. In last few years, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travelers have been tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
tickets are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
are
readily
available. Considering the levels of rise in pollution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for the sake of fun cannot
be afforded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
such trips. It will force masses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice about environment damage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
booking a ticket to exotic destination, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this trend altogether.
Furthermore
, the money collected from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to find alternative energy resources for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
vehicles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strategies for protection of environment.

To conclude
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the increasing demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
, airports have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
in their schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has deteriorated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
quality.
Therefore
, this issue needs to
be addressed
immediately and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be done
by implementing financial restrictions on tourism in the form of environment protection
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay The graph below shows the number of trips made by children in one country to travel to school in 1990 and 2010.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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