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friend has decided to switch careers but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v.2

friend has decided to switch careers but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 2
There is no shortage of opinion on whether it is better to switch the career which means takes a lot of risk from life. If I suggested to my friend about changing career to a new one, I would definitely urge her lot to make progress in her life. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following reasons. First of all, Switching her career is very helpful to live with delight in her life because in today world a lot of people prefer to change their jobs to acquiring invaluable experiences and seeking for their favourite things for doing many different works in all over the world. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my experience. When I work at first time on the business project as conductor after the graduation of my university, I was easily bored with my job within a half-year so I determined to pursue in my dream job which is really low-paid environmental researcher in my local town. Despite those hardships, I wanted to apply the small research company as an assistant. After almost six months of hard-working, I promoted a legal employee in my company so now I am really happy with my decision because it gives me unfathomable pleasure even it has plenty of workloads. This example demonstrates how making a resolution to change my career which is my least favourite one is changed my life altogether. Secondly, Trying a lot of things in your life as much as she can create an opportunity to make progress on my friend’s life also sticking one place in her entire life is utterly ridiculous because it means she can’t improve her abilities in different situations and even can’t disclosure her hidden talents. Drawing from my brother’s experience, He didn’t satisfied with his job because it is very low-paid even if he worked in stretched hours. One day, He applied in a foreign-invested company as an engineer then he was accepted readily to work in this company due to his great talents. He said that it was an entirely open-minded event from him because working with intelligent and hospitable people is grateful and it enables him to learn from his coworkers day by day. Without decisive determination to shift his career, he couldn’t be fulfilled with his life like now. I strongly recommend to my friend that changing her career is the best decision to make as ever she has made. This is because it allows her to be happy with her life more fully and because it helps her to make improvement which leads her to a bright future.
There is no shortage of opinion on whether it is better to switch the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
which means takes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If I suggested to my friend about changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to a new one, I would definitely urge her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progress in her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Switching her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with delight in her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to acquiring invaluable experiences and seeking for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
things for doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
works in all over the world. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my experience. When I work at
first
time on the business project as conductor after the graduation of my university, I was
easily
bored with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
within a half-year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I determined to pursue in my dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is
really
low-paid environmental researcher in my local town. Despite those hardships, I wanted to apply the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as an assistant. After almost six months of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working, I promoted a legal employee in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I am
really
happy with my decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives me unfathomable pleasure even it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of workloads. This example demonstrates how making a resolution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
which is my least
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
altogether.

Secondly
, Trying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of things in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as much as she can create an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progress on my friend’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
also
sticking one place in her entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
utterly
ridiculous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it means she can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
her abilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations and even can’t disclosure her hidden talents. Drawing from my brother’s experience, He didn’t
The verb 'didn't' requires base form of this verb: "satisfy"
satisfied
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low-paid even if he worked in stretched hours. One day, He applied in a foreign-invested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as an engineer then he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
readily
to work in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
due to his great talents. He said that it was an
entirely
open-minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
from him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
working with intelligent and hospitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
grateful and it enables him to learn from his coworkers day by day. Without decisive determination to shift his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, he couldn’t
be fulfilled
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

I
strongly
recommend to my friend that changing her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is the best decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
as ever she has made. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
her to be happy with her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
fully
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
her to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
improvement which leads her to a bright future.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay friend has decided to switch careers but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
448 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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