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friend has decided to switch careers but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

friend has decided to switch careers but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
Travelling has become increasingly popular. It is argued by some people that science research and tourism to far natural environment is presently possible to places such as the South Pole. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of this development. There are various plus points of researchers and tourists being able to travel to remote places. Firstly, one main benefit of flying to distant natural surroundings is that new findings are made during the visit, That is, these visitors are able to make discoveries of animals and plants in their natural habitats who has not been affected by human activities. For example, recent documentary was made by a researcher who found out some fish feed by jumping out of the water in the South Pole. In addition, the possibility of this visitation allows people the opportunities to appreciate non-artificial places. This is because this environment have breathtaking looks which are not usual in many continents of the world. On the other hand, there are also disadvantages of this trend. To begin with, one major drawback is that this adventure will lead to the destruction and encroachment of this habitat. In the process of doing research works and taking vacations, there is a high chance that these places are invaded by the many activities of people which would cause the defacing of these places. Also, the cost of making trips to these places is capital intensive. The huge amount of money for this sort of travel to remote corners of the world requires a lot of funds which can be diverted for some other important issues. For example, the government of the United states budgeted 50 million dollars in 2019 for research work in the South Pole. In conclusion, making trips to remote places by researchers and visitors is presently possible. There are advantages to this development but not without its drawbacks.
Travelling has become
increasingly
popular. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that science research and tourism to far natural environment is
presently
possible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as the South Pole. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of this development.

There are various plus points of researchers and tourists being able to travel to remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Firstly
, one main benefit of flying to distant natural surroundings is that new findings
are made
during the visit,
That is
, these visitors are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
discoveries of animals and plants in their natural habitats who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'habitats' should be used.
has
not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by human activities.
For example
, recent documentary
was made
by a researcher who found out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fish feed by jumping out of the water in the South Pole.
In addition
, the possibility of this visitation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the opportunities to appreciate non-artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this environment have breathtaking looks which are not usual in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
continents of the world.

On the other hand
, there are
also
disadvantages of this trend. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one major drawback is that this adventure will lead to the destruction and encroachment of this habitat. In the process of doing research works and taking vacations, there is a high chance that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are invaded
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which would cause the defacing of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Also
, the cost of making trips to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is capital intensive. The huge amount of money for this sort of travel to remote corners of the world requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
funds which can
be diverted
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of the
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
United states
budgeted 50 million dollars in 2019 for research work in the South Pole.

In conclusion
, making trips to remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
by researchers and visitors is
presently
possible. There are advantages to this development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not without its drawbacks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay friend has decided to switch careers but isn’t sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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