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Your friend has decided to switch careers, but is not sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

Your friend has decided to switch careers, but is not sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
People are getting addicted to television these days. Viewers of the media tend to replicate what they see. When television promote violence, the audience is influenced by the brutal violence and it will encourage them to commit the same. I totally agree to this fact. The viewers of the media include people of all certain ages, from children to teenagers and adults. When they watch any kind of violence on television, especially the younger crowd who are the majority, assume these are normal and get influenced. Money heist, for instance, is a series on Netflix with maximum viewers which has influenced many people to commit the heist wearing the same costumes as they wear in the series. When people get addicted to such shows, they usually try to behave in the same way as they consider them as their idols. Even though it showcases good side of the show, people tend to get attracted to the bad side. If such shows are promoted any further, many more brutal incidents are assured to occur, and society will deteriorate. Additionally, Media telecast the news of violence, such as brutal murders, rape and so on, foster new ways of committing the violence which people are not even aware. In India, for example, rape cases have soared day by day because of the news channels who telecast's how badly it was done and how people are escaping from these after committing it. Undoubtedly, new ideas are put into the criminal's mind and it's encouraging them to pursue such violence. To conclude, when media promote violence people who are consuming it will be influenced. In my opinion, without a doubt, an impact will be made in society when such violence is promoted in the media.
People
are getting addicted to television these days. Viewers of the
media
tend to replicate what they
see
. When television promote
violence
, the audience
is influenced
by the brutal
violence
and it will encourage them to commit the same. I
totally
agree
to this fact.

The viewers of the
media
include
people
of all certain ages, from children to
teenagers
and adults. When they
watch
any kind of
violence
on television,
especially
the younger crowd who are the majority, assume these are normal and
get
influenced. Money heist,
for instance
, is a series on Netflix with maximum viewers which has influenced
many
people
to commit the heist wearing the same costumes as they wear in the series. When
people
get
addicted to such
shows
, they
usually
try to behave
in the same way
as they consider them as their idols.
Even though
it showcases
good
side of the
show
,
people
tend to
get
attracted to the
bad
side. If such
shows
are promoted
any
further
,
many
more brutal incidents
are assured
to occur, and society will deteriorate.

Additionally
,
Media
telecast the
news
of
violence
, such as brutal murders, rape and
so
on, foster
new
ways of committing the
violence
which
people
are not even aware. In India,
for example
, rape cases have soared day by day
because
of the
news
channels
who telecast's
how
badly
it
was done
and how
people
are escaping from these after committing it.
Undoubtedly
,
new
ideas
are put
into the criminal's mind and it's encouraging them to pursue such violence.

To conclude
, when
media
promote
violence
people
who are consuming it will
be influenced
. In my opinion, without a doubt, an impact will
be made
in society when such
violence
is promoted
in the
media
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend has decided to switch careers, but is not sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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