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Is important for public money to be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle to prevent illness than spending money treating people who are ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Is important for public money to be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle to prevent illness than spending money treating people who are ill. v. 1
Arts forms such as music, film and sculpture define heritage cultures. In this generation, more importance is being given to the improvement of public services and facilities by the government. People are aware of the government's priority, equal investment must be used for protecting the ancient arts and cultures. I personally think, both fields are significant for the nation's economic as the same as culture development. To begin with, public services and facilities such as schools, hospitals and communities infrastructure are important for the better standards of living. However, in illiterate societies may increase of criminal activities and lack of awareness among the population. In particular, every child and adult needs education for a better future. Likewise, health also important that the government should be invested. Consequently, it results in healthy communities that can be contributed to a better performance. Therefore, the investment in public facilities are necessary to focus on. Similarly, arts can not be neglected because it leads back to the ancient history and portraits cultural aspects in the modern world. It illustrates the story of its uniqueness and identity so that it should be distributed to different arts besides investment in public services. Hence, people like to enjoy the entertainment to relieve the strain in life. This is the reason that the government needs to be acknowledged, while preparing the budget. In conclusion, arts investments are wasted because it indicates the fundamantals of ancient culture development and raise the standard of living. In the same way, it contributes to the nation's uniqueness. I think, the government must offer its financial assistance to both fields constantly.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Art forms" or "Arts form".
Arts forms
such as music, film and sculpture define heritage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. In this generation, more importance is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services and facilities by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's priority, equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for protecting the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, both fields are significant for the nation's economic as the same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services and facilities such as schools, hospitals and communities infrastructure are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the better standards of living.
However
, in illiterate societies may increase of criminal activities and lack of awareness among the population.
In particular
, every child and adult needs education for a better future.
Likewise
, health
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
be invested
.
Consequently
, it results in healthy communities that can
be contributed
to a better performance.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities are necessary to focus on.

Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can not
be neglected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads back to the ancient history and portraits cultural aspects in the modern world. It illustrates the story of its uniqueness and identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it should
be distributed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to enjoy the entertainment to relieve the strain in life. This is the reason that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to
be acknowledged
, while preparing the budget.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
are wasted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it indicates the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundamantals
of ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
development and raise the standard of living.
In the same way
, it contributes to the nation's uniqueness. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
offer its financial assistance to both fields
constantly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Is important for public money to be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle to prevent illness than spending money treating people who are ill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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