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Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your choice. v.4

Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your choice. v. 4
It is observed that most people prefer a job because they share their skills, experience and qualification, increasing the industry market competitive. Moreover, it will be preferred to struggle for an employer, because a person can run a field, further it requires a lot of abilities and fund. But, in employment there are lots of risks and high losses. Furthermore, self-employment and field require extra knowledge to stand up a good trade. Without money it is not possible to run an employment. In addition, people prefer profession, because there is no any investment to endeavour in an organization. There are various advantages such as start getting revenue comparative than a trade, there is less responsibility than employment. Mostly peoples are doing jobs in an organization because they want a chance to enhance their skills and gain more knowledge. Working as an employer helping us to maintain a proper routine. There is less stress comparative than the field. There are so many opportunities that they will be able to switch in a country rather than outside country. Employer just like a father who is the bearer of all risks and stress, whereas the employee is like a son, who just follow his guidance. Work gives salary and other incentives to their employees. To recapitulate it is said that, in a career there is more freedom, less risks, zero investment and lots of better opportunities. In contracting there are so many chances of getting a new appointment once one can lose existing. At the same time, if service closes it is hard to recover again easily.
It
is observed
that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, experience and qualification, increasing the industry market competitive.
Moreover
, it will
be preferred
to struggle for an employer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a person can run a field,
further
it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
abilities and fund.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in employment there are lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and high losses.

Furthermore
, self-employment and field require extra knowledge to stand up a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trade. Without
The comma is probably missing here: "money, it".
money it
is not possible to run an employment.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer profession,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any investment to
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
in an organization. There are various advantages such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
getting revenue
Use "(comparative)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
comparative
than a trade, there is less responsibility than employment.

Mostly
peoples are doing jobs in an organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want a chance to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and gain more knowledge. Working as an employer helping us to maintain a proper routine. There is less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
comparative than the field. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities that they will be able to switch in a country
rather
than outside country. Employer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a father who is the bearer of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, whereas the employee is like a son, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
follow his guidance. Work gives salary and other incentives to their employees.

To recapitulate it
is said
that, in a career there is more freedom,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun risks is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, zero investment and lots of better opportunities. In contracting there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances of getting a new appointment once one can lose existing. At the same time, if service closes it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to recover again
easily
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your choice. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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