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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world Schools should cut arts and music out of that curriculum so that children can focus on the useful subjects such as information technology To what extent do you agree v.1

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world Schools should cut arts and music out of that curriculum so that children can focus on the useful subjects such as information technology 1
It has been a ubiquitous phenomenon that individual households have basic home appliances nowadays. Some people reckon that the popularization of home equipment is a positive development, while others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I believe that it would be a beneficial effect on the nation as a whole. Which perspective can explain this situation better? This essay will discuss my views in detail with supporting examples. On the one hand, there is a proclivity to believe that most households have improved their economic conditions since these home appliances become affordable than before. In other words, according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs points out that if a family's basic survival needs can be met, individuals can pursue higher-level needs. For instance, there was only one TV in an entire village in the past, and now each family has its own household items. That is to say, people have free control and even personal privacy. As a result, there would undoubtedly be a significant influence on individuals and families at large due to the stability and satisfaction of their life. In addition, one should consider that the wealth of families across the country indicates that the economic development of a country has improved, and the gap between the rich and the poor has narrowed. Mainly this is because the source of electricity is a country's economic fundamentals. When power can be stably delivered to the whole nation, it can be regarded as a prosperous development. For example, home appliances such as TVs or computers are tools for delivering knowledge, which means any social class can learn the knowledge to improve their families' economic situations. Hence, such an influence would definitely have a valuable contribution to society at large when individuals have equal access to knowledge. In conclusion, albeit every household has independent electrical appliances is a sign of a booming economy, it may also lead to improper disposal of recycled and further pollute the environment. In my view, if the government also considers the disposal method to tackle environmental protection issues, it would surely improve people's living standards.
It has been a ubiquitous phenomenon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
have basic home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that the popularization of home equipment is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, while others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I believe that it would be a beneficial effect on the nation as a whole. Which perspective can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this situation better? This essay will discuss my views in detail with supporting examples.

On the one hand, there is a proclivity to believe that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
conditions since these home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
become
Use "(affordable)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
affordable
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
In other words
, according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs points out that if a family's basic survival needs can
be met
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can pursue higher-level needs.
For instance
, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one TV in an entire village in the past, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
each family has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
items.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have free control and even personal privacy.
As a result
, there would
undoubtedly
be a significant influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and families at large due to the stability and satisfaction of their life.

In addition
, one should consider that the wealth of families across the country indicates that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development of a country has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, and the gap between the rich and the poor has narrowed.
Mainly
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the source of electricity is a country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
fundamentals. When power can be
stably
delivered to the whole nation, it can
be regarded
as a prosperous development.
For example
, home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
such as TVs or computers are tools for delivering knowledge, which means any social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can learn the knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their families'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
situations.
Hence
, such an influence would definitely have a valuable contribution to society at large when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have equal access to knowledge.

In conclusion
, albeit every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
has independent electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of a booming economy, it may
also
lead to improper disposal of recycled and
further
pollute the environment. In my view, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
considers the disposal method to tackle environmental protection issues, it would
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's living standards.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world Schools should cut arts and music out of that curriculum so that children can focus on the useful subjects such as information technology 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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