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Your friend has decided to switch careers, but is not sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v.2

Your friend has decided to switch careers, but is not sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 2
In my twenty' s, like others, I had a choice between choosing my career of engineering or teacher, which was completely different branch to switch between. At that time I talk with my close friends and family which to choose because I could not choose one of them. Finally, one of my friend suggest me solution to choose one. Hence, I would like to mention the tip that my friend told me once. First of all, she or he should ask himself which one is makes you more happy and motivated. If you happy and motivated, you will understand the subjects more easily and professionally. Or, if you do not know which one makes you happy, ask your family or friend, they might know you better than you because they observing you from different angle, not the angle you see yourself every day. Secondly, order the advantages and disadvantages of both career and analyse the results so that she or he can understand which one of more beneficial for him or her. For example, one career might be good for future, like possibility of development is fast but another one is interesting but there are less chance to develop. In this situation, see the other advantages and disadvantages you ordered. Lastly, in our life time, we spend one of third time on workplace or maybe more time so that choosing right job your lifestyle is important. Henceforth, check whether your job is fitting your lifestyle. Maybe, you love to spend weekend with family but it the job requires you to work weekend, that is breaking your lifestyle. This may be lead to sloping your life-cycle. In conclusion, I would recommend my friend above three advice for choosing future career. So that he or she would not have regret because she or he chosen their career wisely considering all statement and condition.
In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
twenty&
#039; s, like others, I had a choice between choosing my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
of engineering or teacher, which was completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
branch to switch between. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I talk with my close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family which to choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I could not choose one of them.
Finally
, one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
suggest me solution to choose one.
Hence
, I would like to mention the tip that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me once.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, she or he should ask himself which one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you more happy and motivated. If
Did you mean "you are"?
you
happy and motivated, you will understand the subjects more
easily
and
professionally
. Or, if you do not know which one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy, ask your family or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, they might know you better than you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they observing you from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angle, not the angle you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
yourself every day.

Secondly
, order the advantages and disadvantages of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that she or he can understand which one of more beneficial for him or her.
For example
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for future, like possibility of development is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
another one is interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are less chance to develop. In this situation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the other advantages and disadvantages you ordered.

Lastly
, in our life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, we spend one of third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on workplace or maybe more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that choosing right job your lifestyle is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Henceforth,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
whether your job is fitting your lifestyle. Maybe, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to spend weekend with family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it the job requires you to work weekend,
that is
breaking your lifestyle. This may be lead to sloping your life-cycle.

In conclusion
, I would recommend my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
above three advice for choosing future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that he or she would not have regret
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she or he chosen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
wisely
considering all statement and condition.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend has decided to switch careers, but is not sure which to choose. What advice would you give them? Provide reasons and examples to support your response. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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