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your city has decided to build a statue to honor a famous person in your country who would you choose v.1

your city has decided to build a statue to honor a famous person in your country who would you choose v. 1
Nowadays, there are a lot of statues of famous people in cities and towns. This may remind us to feel grateful for their attempts and good performances in addition to remembering that we have to continue their ways. Each country has its own honorable well-known people. Among all venerable people I have seen in my life, I respect Dr. Chamran more than anybody because of his extraordinary attitudes. First of all, Dr. Chamran was a very brilliant scientist in physics and electrical engineering. Hardships and difficulties could not prevent him from achieving best awards during his short life. Since he was very good at sciences and technology, he motivates me to continue his way and encourages me not to allow hard situations impede me from my goals. For example, he got the best GPA among all electrical engineering students at Texas University and he was appreciated by all faculties. When I feel that I cannot pass TOEFL, I think about him and begin to study again. Moreover, he defended our country during eight-year war and was killed by the enemy. All people who visited him in his life assert that he was one of the bravest people in the world. Although before that time, his responsibilities never exceeded studying and submitting articles, but he could learn military principles very soon and after some months, he became the commander of 5000 soldiers. He did everything for his country and even he lost his life because of our country. Therefore, both of his life and death are admirable and we owe him. Furthermore, he had a romantic relationship with his spouse. After his death, his wife published some of his letters and explained about his good manner. Although he was very courageous in the battle scenes, he was very kind and gentle at home. Not only did not he order to his wife to do something for him but also he helped her in drudgery housekeeping tasks. His wife stated that after his death, she stayed near his grave for one week because she loved him so much. To sum up, Dr. Chamran’s behaviors made him honorable in our society. There is a highway in Tehran which its name is Chamran to show his family that we never forget his good jobs.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
statues of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in cities and towns. This may remind us to feel grateful for their attempts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
performances
in addition
to remembering that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
continue their ways. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
honorable well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Among all venerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I respect Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chamran
more than anybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his extraordinary attitudes.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chamran
was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
brilliant scientist in physics and electrical engineering. Hardships and difficulties could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
him from achieving best awards during his short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Since he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at sciences and technology, he motivates me to continue his way and encourages me not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situations impede me from my goals.
For example
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the best GPA among all electrical engineering students at Texas
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
University and
he
was appreciated
by all faculties. When I feel that I cannot pass TOEFL, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about him and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to study again.

Moreover
, he defended our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
during eight-year war and
was killed
by the enemy. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who visited him in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
assert that he was one of the bravest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that time, his responsibilities never exceeded studying and submitting articles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he could learn military principles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
months, he became the commander of 5000 soldiers. He did everything for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and even he lost his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, both of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and death are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
admirable and
we owe him.

Furthermore
, he had a romantic relationship with his spouse. After his death, his wife published
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of his letters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manner. Although he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
courageous in the battle scenes, he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
kind and gentle at home. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did not he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "orders", "ordered".
order
to his wife to do something for him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her in drudgery housekeeping tasks. His wife stated that after his death, she stayed near his grave for one week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much.

To sum up, Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chamran
’s behaviors made him honorable in our society. There is a highway in Tehran which its name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chamran
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
his family that we never forget his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
jobs.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay your city has decided to build a statue to honor a famous person in your country who would you choose v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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