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Your city has decided to build a monument to honor a famous person in your country. Whom would you choose. Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v.1

Your city has decided to build a monument to honor a famous person in your country. Whom would you choose. Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 1
Some people believe that those who are committing cruel offending should be sentenced to gibbet; others, however, think that death penalty is inadmissible in this modern community. This essay will discuss both the positive and negative aspects of the capital punishment and the opinion will be provided. One prominent reason to advocate death penalty is that, crime rate would be radically reduced. It is irrefutable that countries which are implemented stringent rules have less crime rate. For instance, UAE has more than 40% of crime rate till 1996, but it has fallen to 5% after rigorous regulations are imposed. Besides, the prison maintenance expenses will be reduced significantly. Although prisoners are provided with minimal facilities in the jail, the government spends an exorbitantly high amount to maintain the criminals like food and health care services. Thus, by implementing capital punishment the fund can be better utilized for countries' development. There are considerable downsides associated with this rule. Firstly, it is believed by a few individuals that killing humans is unethical. Numerous NGO's and organizations such as Human Rights Commission advocate that the regime has no rights to kill people. Secondly, they should be given another chance to enlighten their mistakes. Evidently, many offenders have committed a crime due to the situation and can be provided a chance to correct themselves. To illustrate, an eminent actor Robert Downey Junior was indulged him in unscrupulous activities and arrested for consuming drugs. However, he realized his mistakes and became one of the prominent actors of the Hollywood. Hence, the authorities should consider providing rehabilitation for criminals. In conclusion, despite having numerous opportunities to recognize their mistakes such as rehab centres, the majority of offenders tend to commit crimes after the imprisonment period. Therefore, I opine that capital punishment should be imposed nationwide in order to mitigate the crime rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that those who are committing cruel offending should
be sentenced
to gibbet; others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that death penalty is inadmissible in this modern community. This essay will discuss both the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of the capital punishment and the opinion will
be provided
.

One prominent reason to advocate death penalty is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
would be
radically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. It is irrefutable that countries which
are implemented
stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
For instance
, UAE has more than 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
till 1996,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has fallen to 5% after rigorous regulations
are imposed
.
Besides
, the prison maintenance expenses will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
. Although prisoners
are provided
with minimal facilities in the jail, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends an
exorbitantly
high amount to maintain the criminals like food and health care services.
Thus
, by implementing capital punishment the fund can be better utilized for countries' development.

There are considerable downsides associated with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.
Firstly
, it
is believed
by a few individuals that killing humans is unethical. Numerous
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'NGO'.
NGO's
and organizations such as Human Rights Commission advocate that the regime has no rights to kill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Secondly
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
another chance to enlighten their mistakes.
Evidently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offenders have committed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
due to the situation and can
be provided
a chance to correct themselves. To illustrate, an eminent actor Robert Downey Junior
was indulged
him in unscrupulous activities and arrested for consuming drugs.
However
, he realized his mistakes and became one of the prominent actors of the Hollywood.
Hence
, the authorities should consider providing rehabilitation for criminals.

In conclusion
, despite having numerous opportunities to recognize their mistakes such as rehab
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, the majority of offenders tend to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after the imprisonment period.
Therefore
, I opine that capital punishment should
be imposed
nationwide in order to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your city has decided to build a monument to honor a famous person in your country. Whom would you choose. Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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