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Groups or organizations are important part of some people`s life. Why are groups or organizations are important to people? Use speciifc reasons and examples to explain your answer. v.2

Groups or organizations are important part of some people`s life. Why are groups or organizations are important to people? Use speciifc reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 2
We live in society and communication with others benefits everyone. In my opinion, groups or organizations are important to people because they prevent people from loneliness. . There are a few reasons why I feel this way. First of all, in a group people can find friends. Friends bring to our life colors and make it more fascinating. With friends we can share emotions and opinions on certain topics. For instance, I like to travel in a company of friends and share my emotions about astonished places we visit. This kind of discussions help me to express myself, and make the adventures more enjoyable. From the other hand, if there is nobody next to me to talk with at the time, the trip seems boring. To that end, traveling with friends makes my life interesting. Secondly, people in a group can help to each other. Sometimes we face egregious situations in life, such as loosing people we love. In this case, it is crucial to have support of others. For example, when recently one of my colleague`s mother past away, the only thing, which helped him to deal with this terrible event, was conversations with people. It gave to the man psychological support and awareness that he is not alone. So, without others` support my colleague could fall to a tremendous depression. Finally, people learn a myriad of things from each other. Others` experience can give to a person new knowledge, which he can use to improve his life. My own experience illustrates it very. When I just moved to the U. S. I barely could speak English and because of that could not find a job. I felt very lonely and joined a group of foreigners, who helped me with English. They gave me scores of advice of how to start spiking English in a limited period time. In fact, after one year of communication with them I improved my language dramatically and was hired by an employer. Therefore, without tips from the students in the group I would succeed so fast. To sum it up, I feel that groups prevent people from loneliness. This is because they help people to find friends, provide psychological support, and give us tools to succeed. All things considered it is reasonable to assume that groups and organizations make our life better.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in society and communication with others benefits everyone. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
or organizations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from loneliness.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
There are a few reasons why I feel this way.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friends
bring to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
colors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it more fascinating. With
The comma is probably missing here: "friends, we".
friends we
can share emotions and opinions on certain topics.
For instance
, I like to travel in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and share my emotions about astonished places we visit. This kind of discussions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to express myself, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the adventures more enjoyable. From the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if there is nobody
next
to me to talk with at the time, the trip seems boring. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, traveling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
interesting.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we face egregious situations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, such as loosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
In this case
, it is crucial to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of others.
For example
, when recently one of my
The character between 'colleague' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "colleague’s" (curly apostrophe) or "colleague's" (straight apostrophe).
colleague`s
mother past away, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to deal with this terrible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, was conversations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It gave to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and awareness that he is not alone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, without others`
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
my colleague could fall to a tremendous depression.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn a myriad of things from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Others` experience can give to a person new knowledge, which he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience illustrates it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
. When I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the U. S. I
barely
could speak English and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that could not find a job. I felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lonely and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of foreigners, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me with English. They gave me scores of advice of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
spiking English in a limited period time. In fact, after one year of communication with them I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
my language
dramatically
and
was hired
by an employer.
Therefore
, without tips from the students in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
I would succeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

To sum it up, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from loneliness. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, provide psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, and give us tools to succeed. All things considered it is reasonable to assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and organizations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Groups or organizations are important part of some people`s life. Why are groups or organizations are important to people? Use speciifc reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
389 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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