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Your city has decided to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v.1

Your city has decided to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 1
The professional sports like the Olympics, the World cup and cultural programs are in existence for a long time and have played an imperative role in people's life. Some individuals consider that the national and local authorities ought to allocate the funds for the international teams and their team members who host their country. On the other hand, others claim that the NGO should contribute to these teams. Before I state my opinion, both views should be analysed first. The supporters who say that the government should foster the international teams and its players, give underlying explanations. First, these sports teams represent their country on a worldwide platform. They break a record or get the victory, is all create national pride and arouse patriotism among its citizens. Second, these international competitions increase valuable tourism and boost local economies. Lastly, these international and domestic sports improve global trade and stature. However, those in favour of NGO funding for the sports teams arguing that this would release some burden off the government's shoulder, which can help to focus on other areas. Moreover, the large organizations are profit-driven, so they should provide the coaching and facilities for these teams. Also, they can promote their products and services through these scholarships and charity. Thus, this would be a win-win situation for both. To conclude from the arguments mentioned above, the government should financially support these sports teams and their players to achieve a desirable performance because NGO cannot provide stable support, which may tarnish the country's image.
The professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like the Olympics, the World cup and cultural programs are in existence for a long time and have played an imperative role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals consider that the national and local authorities ought to allocate the funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members who host their country.
On the other hand
, others claim that the NGO should contribute to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
I state my opinion, both views should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
first
.

The supporters who say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should foster the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and its players, give underlying explanations.
First
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
represent their country on a worldwide platform. They break a record or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the victory, is all create national pride and arouse patriotism among its citizens. Second, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
competitions increase valuable tourism and boost local economies.
Lastly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
global trade and stature.

However
, those in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of NGO funding for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
arguing that this would release
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
burden off the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's shoulder, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to focus on other areas.
Moreover
, the large organizations are profit-driven,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should provide the coaching and facilities for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
.
Also
, they can promote their products and services through these scholarships and charity.
Thus
, this would be a win-win situation for both.

To conclude
from the arguments mentioned above, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
financially
support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and their players to achieve a desirable performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
NGO cannot provide stable support, which may tarnish the country's image.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Your city has decided to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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