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Your city has decided to build a monument to honor a famous person in your country. Whom would you choose. Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v.2

Your city has decided to build a monument to honor a famous person in your country. Whom would you choose. Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 2
Definitely, a brilliant personality that comes to mind is Renato Russo, would be a good idea to build a monument of him in my city, for sure. He was much more than a singer, he was a poet, his songs were completely full of poems about love, peace, history, politics etc. He always used a lot of metaphors in his writing to convey his thoughts. His music caught on the entire country in a revolutionary era, called “ditadura militar”- that happened in Brazil in 70’s, at this time the country was on militaries command. It was an era marked by repression, people could not do what they wanted, there was not freedom expression. For example, television was controlled by militaries and could convey only the information previously approved by them. People were beaten daily because they do not agree with the decisions made by the government. It was a terrible time for the country. By the time, as it was on TV, the lyrics of the songs were also repressed because the singers were not able to composed lyrics about, homosexuality, racism, gender bias, politics or things like that. But, Renato Russo wrote a lot of lyrics about what was happening at the time, just by using metaphors. It was amazingly well done which even the governments employees did not know about what he was singing. But of course the people realized that and understood the meaning of the song. Also, Renato Russo added a lot of good thoughts for Brazilian literature. For example, when I was in high school in 2006, I remember that we discuss in a literature class three or four lyrics from Renato Russo, everyone in the class enjoyed this day. Even today his poems and lyrics are in the literature books and probably the new generation will know him. Unfortunately, he killed himself in 1996. But today yet, young people know his songs, there are a lot of covers of him that make concerts in the country, they are usually trying to imitate his incredible voice and performance on the stage by singing his amazing songs. For those reasons, I feel that will be so amazing represents Renato Russo in this monument, because everybody loves him. Certainly, people in country will want to come here to look closely and take pictures with the build.
Definitely, a brilliant personality that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mind is Renato Russo, would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to build a monument of him in my city, for sure. He was much more than a singer, he was a poet, his songs were completely full of poems about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, peace, history, politics etc. He always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of metaphors in his writing to convey his thoughts.

His music caught on the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in a revolutionary era, called “
Possible spelling mistake found.
ditadura
Possible spelling mistake found.
militar
”- that happened in Brazil in
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "70s".
70’s
, at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
was on militaries command. It was an era marked by repression,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not do what they wanted, there was not freedom expression.
For example
, television
was controlled
by militaries and could convey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the information previously approved by them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
were beaten
daily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the decisions made by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. It was a terrible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the country.

By the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, as it was on TV, the lyrics of the songs were
also
repressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the singers were not able to composed lyrics about, homosexuality, racism, gender bias, politics or things like that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, Renato Russo wrote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of lyrics about what was happening at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by using metaphors. It was
amazingly
well done which even the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
employees did not know about what he was singing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
of course
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realized that and understood the meaning of the song.

Also
, Renato Russo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thoughts for Brazilian literature.
For example
, when I was in high school in 2006, I remember that we discuss in a literature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
three or four lyrics from Renato Russo, everyone in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
enjoyed this day. Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
his poems and lyrics are in the literature books and
probably
the new generation will know him.

Unfortunately, he killed himself in 1996.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
yet
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know his songs, there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of covers of him that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
concerts in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they are
usually
trying to imitate his incredible voice and performance on the stage by singing his amazing songs.

For those reasons, I feel that will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
amazing represents Renato Russo in this monument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
him.
Certainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
here to look
closely
and take pictures with the build.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Your city has decided to build a monument to honor a famous person in your country. Whom would you choose. Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
389 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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