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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Like today is more comfortable than it was when you grandparents were childrenUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.2

: Like today is more comfortable than it was when you grandparents were childrenUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 2
I think today’s life has been easier and soft to live than a couple years ago. Definitely, technology has an important role on this progress, which made life better. Currently, most part of us do not be able to realize this, but likely our grandparents would be. Usual activities like, a traveling, a communication using mobile phone or even the internet can be use to talk with someone that live in the other side of the world. Always when I have an opportunity, I like to talk with my grandmother about how everything was fifty years ago. I ask her with she notes a big difference, and she always surprise myself with a great tale about your childhood. For example, my brother live in Portugal and last year we take a trip to visit him. We went to the airport, took the plane and in few hours we could arrived in Portugal. My grandma was impressed because we travel far and quickly. She told me about how much time she spend when she was a child just to move from a small city that she lives to a capital city. Nowadays, we have an accessible tool, which is the internet, that make everything easier. We can communicate with anyone around the world, learning everything, solve financial problems, watching movies and listening to music to have fun and a bunch of other things. For instance, when my grandfather met my grandmother, and he was moved to another city to work, they could communicate just by letters. Which demanded so much time and patience, because sometimes it could take almost a month to receive a letter. In conclusion, I feel that we current evolve to make everything easier in our lives. It is impressive how we change a lot of things in a few time. Actually I am happy because my grandparents are still alive to look at and live all of it.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life has been easier and soft to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
than a
Did you mean "couple of"? (In formal written English 'of' should follow 'couple'.)
couple
years ago. Definitely, technology has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role on this progress, which made life better.
Currently
, most part of us do not be able to realize this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
likely our grandparents would be. Usual activities like, a traveling, a communication using mobile phone or even the internet can be
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
talk with someone that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the other side of the world.

The adverb 'Always' is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Always
when I have an opportunity, I like to talk with my grandmother about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
was fifty years ago. I ask her with she notes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference, and she always
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "surprises", "surprised".
surprise
myself with a great tale about your childhood.
For example
, my brother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in Portugal and last year we take a trip to visit him. We went to the airport, took the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
and in few hours we could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "arrive"
arrived
in Portugal. My grandma
was impressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we travel far and
quickly
. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me about how much time she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "spends", "spent".
spend
when she was a child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
city that she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to a capital city.

Nowadays, we have an accessible tool, which is the internet, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
easier. We can communicate with anyone around the world, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
, solve financial problems, watching movies and listening to music to have fun and a bunch of other things.
For instance
, when my grandfather met my grandmother, and he was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to another city to work, they could communicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by letters. Which demanded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time and patience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it could take almost a month to receive a letter.

In conclusion
, I feel that we
The word "current" is an adjective and doesn't fit in this context. Did you mean the adverb "currently"?
current
evolve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
easier in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It is impressive how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things in a few time. Actually I am happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my grandparents are
still
alive to look at and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
all of it.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : Like today is more comfortable than it was when you grandparents were childrenUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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