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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Like today is more comfortable than it was when you grandparents were childrenUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.1

: Like today is more comfortable than it was when you grandparents were childrenUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1
It is argued that after being released from prison, the increasing number of criminals continues to re-offend. There are a variety of reasons why this is a case and effective measures need to be taken urgently to tackle the phenomenon. There are many reasons to encourage criminals to relapse into crime. Firstly, some countries and prisons are merely used as places of detention, management and isolation of prisoners from social life. Prisoners therefore consider this an early penalty and will one day be released without re-education, leading to the release of criminals becoming their constant personality. Secondly, criminals are combined with each other and they become friends. We see if there is a dangerous criminal trying to entice other prisoners to work illegally, putting them in danger and easily relapse into the crime after leaving prison. Therefore, dangerous prisoners can affect other prisoners. But the most important thing is a social stigma, lack of emotional backing and poor job opportunities. Because they have a criminal background that significantly reduces job opportunities because no employer prefers to appoint an employee with a criminal record, thus leaving them with no career options and therefore no financial backing. . Sometimes these criminals are not accepted by their own families and this makes them lonely, homeless not only so people do not want sentenced people to reside in their community and doubt them. All of these factors lead to hopelessness and directly or indirectly promoting violence. However, these problems can be largely avoided by government intervention. First, prisoners should be taught the best possible ways to handle life in the most difficult situations and this will prevent them from re-offending. The government should organize programs that provide financial backing and train them in useful jobs. Ongoing psychological counselling is needed for criminals and their families to rebuild personal relationships. Society should also change their thinking and attitudes towards prisoners and provide them with the emotional backing needed to become responsible individuals. Secondly, it is necessary to isolate dangerous offenders because this is the one who encourages others to make mistakes. To conclude, though there are quite a number of factors which encourage criminals to commit crimes again, I am of the opinion that the government and the society should take the responsibility to rehabilitate ex-criminals so as to prevent them from committing further crimes.
It
is argued
that after
being released
from prison, the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
continues to re-offend. There are a variety of reasons why this is a case and effective measures need to
be taken
urgently
to tackle the phenomenon.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to relapse into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries and prisons are
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as places of detention, management and isolation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
from social life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Prisoners
therefore
consider this an early penalty and will one day
be released
without re-education, leading to the release of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
becoming their constant personality.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are combined
with each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
other and
they become friends. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
trying to entice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
to work
illegally
, putting them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and
easily
relapse into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after leaving prison.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is a social stigma, lack of emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backing
and poor job opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
background that
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
job opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no employer prefers to appoint an employee with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
record,
thus
leaving them with no career options and
therefore
no financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backing
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
families and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lonely, homeless not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not want sentenced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to reside in their community and doubt them. All of these factors lead to hopelessness and
directly
or
indirectly
promoting violence.

However
, these problems can be
largely
avoided by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
intervention.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
should
be taught
the best possible ways to handle life in the most difficult situations and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from re-offending. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should organize programs that provide financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backing
and train them in useful jobs. Ongoing psychological counselling
is needed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and their families to rebuild personal relationships. Society should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their thinking and attitudes towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
and provide them with the emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backing
needed to become responsible individuals.
Secondly
, it is necessary to isolate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
offenders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the one who encourages others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes.

To conclude
, though there are quite a number of factors which encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again, I am of the opinion that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the society should take the responsibility to rehabilitate ex-criminals
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from committing
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : Like today is more comfortable than it was when you grandparents were childrenUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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