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The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035. v.1

The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035. v. 1
People's views differ as museums should be concerned as places for citizens and tourists to have a blast or for individuals to discover more about the culture or history of localities. While educating the civilizations through museums is crucial, I stand by the idea that museums' should be a source of entertainment. On the one hand, one of the reasons museums are needed for educational purposes is that they can work as live presentations. As various subjects at school related to History and Art have been read by many students but not every person is capable of remembering such long theoretical texts. By visiting such practical places, students are able to acknowledge the aspect of that subject more explicitly. Besides, not only museums support students' knowledge, but they also teach visitors something that they did not previously know as they exhibit collections of interesting objects that hold significant cultural or historical values. It means that the history behind the museum's exhibits needs to be explained by professional guides talking to their visitors or offering headsets to visitors so that they can listen to detailed commentary about the exhibition. On the other hand, I would argue that museums should be entertaining and more attractive to the public. Museums are widely considered as important tourist attractions for any city or country. However, there is a common belief that they are too boring, uninspiring, and only encourage educated people to visit. By adding more entertainment values, museums can become more appealing to a broader audience. Nowadays, there is a wide range of museums that do not have many academic purposes but have a more humorous theme to amuse tourists and citizens around the world. For instance, the Chocolate Museum in Belgium is where many people could not only watch chocolate being made but could also have a taste of many different types of chocolate. Or the Cheese Museum in The Netherlands, where people could taste the different varieties of traditional Dutch Gouda cheese or dress up as Dutch farmers and take a picture for free. These kinds of museums would attract more tourists and give more benefits to the country's economy. In conclusion, while museums are usually used to provide educational information, I believe that it should be entertaining to increase the influence on the public and to support the economy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's views differ as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
be concerned
as places for citizens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to have a blast or for individuals to discover more about the culture or history of localities. While educating the civilizations through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is crucial, I stand by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that museums' should be a source of entertainment.

On the one hand, one of the reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are needed
for educational purposes is that they can work as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
presentations. As various subjects at school related to History and Art have
been read
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not every person is capable of remembering such long theoretical texts. By visiting such practical places, students are able to acknowledge the aspect of that subject more
explicitly
.
Besides
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
support students' knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
teach visitors something that they did not previously know as they exhibit collections of interesting objects that hold significant cultural or historical values. It means that the history behind the museum's exhibits needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by professional guides talking to their visitors or offering headsets to visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can listen to detailed commentary about the exhibition.

On the other hand
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be entertaining and more attractive to the public.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are
widely
considered as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions for any city or country.
However
, there is a common belief that they are too boring, uninspiring, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to visit. By adding more entertainment values,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can become more appealing to a broader audience. Nowadays, there is a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
that do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have a more humorous theme to amuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and citizens around the world.
For instance
, the Chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in Belgium is where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
chocolate
being made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
also
have a taste of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of chocolate. Or the Cheese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in The Netherlands, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could taste the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties of traditional Dutch Gouda cheese or dress up as Dutch farmers and take a picture for free. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
would attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and give more benefits to the country's economy.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to provide educational information, I believe that it should be entertaining to increase the influence on the public and to support the economy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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