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Younger school children (age’s five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math language, science and history. v.2

Younger school children (age’s five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math language, science and history. v. 2
Nowadays in many educational programs art and music have acquire a major part in students' curriculums. The question that may arise here is that to what extent these art programs necessary for students’ educations. Different people may give various types of responses to this question based upon their social, cultural or even familial backgrounds. However, when it comes to me, I conspicuously declare that, art is a feed for our soul and if we want to heighten our minds’ capacity we should not overlooked the pivotal role of arts in our lives. Among the most predominant reasons in support of this contention, discovering future artists, and reducing anxiety and depression could be picked out for further analysis. To commence with, a consensus has yet to be reached; however, since a country relies on its artists who are symbols for entire country’s culture, the integral role of raising illuminative artists gain momentum. To elucidate on, by introducing art and music to children in their early years of life, we could explore potential talents and thus nurture their skills to pave the road for them to become future artists. Any person needs role models and aspiration in order to attract to a particular art major, if we show our children art’s role models it is more convenient for them to become one of them someday. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above. According to a recent research conducted in Cambridge University, the major proportional applications for art schools came from those who had art class in their early years of education. Beside the aforementioned point, art and music have very immense calming effects that could be used in schools to reduce students’ anxieties and help them with their mental problems. Since psychological issues are one of the most alarming phenomenons in our modern society, art could be an influential way to grow happy citizens for our society. Many scholars elaborate this idea by emphasizing the undeniable fact that, while it is generally presumed that art and music are just hobbies that are absolutely redundant for educational purposes, the positive results of this extra programs forms a distinctive voice. To be more impartial, some insightful minds assert that the prime reason for attending school is learning major skills such as science and history, thus art programs will deviate students’ minds from these important issues. But when we look at this contention providently, we could observe that these art programs are crucial for our students in many different aspects. To put it in a nutshell, although many sophisticated people may think otherwise, I reiterate that, the pivotal role of art and music programs should be underscored. Back to the beginning controversial question, I cite a clear bias in favor of this indisputable fact that, art and music could aid us coping with our daily problems. To recapitulate, not only could we discover new inspiring artists with these programs, but also by introducing children to these programs, we could reduce anxiety and depression in our next generations.
Nowadays in
many
educational
programs
art
and
music
have
acquire
a
major
part in
students&
#039; curriculums. The question that may arise here is that to what extent these
art
programs
necessary for
students’
educations.
Different
people
may give various types of responses to this question based upon their social, cultural or even familial backgrounds.
However
, when it
comes
to me, I
conspicuously
declare that,
art
is a feed for our soul and if we want to heighten our minds’ capacity we should not
overlooked
the pivotal
role
of
arts
in our
lives
. Among the most predominant reasons in support of this contention, discovering future
artists
, and reducing anxiety and depression could
be picked
out for
further
analysis.

To commence with, a consensus has
yet
to
be reached
;
however
, since a country relies on its
artists
who are symbols for entire country’s culture, the integral
role
of raising
illuminative
artists
gain momentum. To elucidate on, by introducing
art
and
music
to children in their early years of life, we could explore potential talents and
thus
nurture their
skills
to pave the road for them to become future
artists
. Any person needs
role
models and aspiration in order to attract to a particular
art
major
, if we
show
our children
art’s
role
models it is more convenient for them to become one of them someday. A vivid example can be
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above. According to a recent research conducted in Cambridge University, the
major
proportional applications for
art
schools came from those who had
art
class
in their early years of education.

Beside the aforementioned point,
art
and
music
have
very
immense calming effects that could be
used
in schools to
reduce
students’
anxieties and
help
them with their mental problems. Since psychological issues are one of the most alarming phenomenons in our modern society,
art
could be an influential way to grow happy citizens for our society.
Many
scholars elaborate this
idea
by emphasizing the undeniable fact that, while it is
generally
presumed that
art
and
music
are
just
hobbies that are
absolutely
redundant for educational purposes, the
positive
results of this extra
programs
forms a distinctive voice. To be more impartial,
some
insightful minds assert that the prime reason for attending school is learning
major
skills
such as science and history,
thus
art
programs
will deviate
students’
minds from these
important
issues.
But
when we look at this contention
providently
, we could observe that these
art
programs
are crucial for our
students
in
many
different
aspects.

To put it in a nutshell, although
many
sophisticated
people
may
think
otherwise
, I reiterate that, the pivotal
role
of
art
and
music
programs
should
be underscored
. Back to the beginning controversial question, I cite a
clear
bias in favor of this indisputable fact that,
art
and
music
could aid us coping with our daily problems. To recapitulate, not
only
could we discover new inspiring
artists
with these
programs
,
but
also
by introducing children to these
programs
, we could
reduce
anxiety and depression in our
next
generations.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Younger school children (age’s five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math language, science and history. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
509 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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