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Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.3

Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 3
People hold different views about whether the governement should ban extreme sports such as car-racing, boxing, parachuting and so on. While this argument seems reasonable to certain extent, I believe that such prohibition should not be implemented. On the one hand, there area several reasons to believe that banning of extreme sports is vital and beneficial. Firstly, dangerous sports involve various unforseeable risks which could directly put participant’s life into jeopardy. Parachuting, for instance, is a modern sport that captivates many adventurous youngsters. However, should a player is not equiped with either knowledge about how to use special equipments or problem-solving skills, they might be unable to operate the parachute correctly and timely. This mistake, as a result, poses threats to their lives. Secondly, the prevalance of extreme sports can bring violence into real life. To illustrate, car-racers may possess a proclivity to break traffic rules due to their obsession to high speed, which results in severe accidents. On the other hand, though being seemingly reasonable, prohibition of dangerous sports is not viable. Individuals should be entitled with right and freedom to take part in any sports and activities they find enjoyable. If someone holds a desire for thrill and adventure then no one is able to deter them from pursuing their passions. Besides, participating in extreme sports can stimulate bravery and hone problem-solving skills, leading to success at work. Players are unconsciously trained and sharpen their skills because they have to make right decision not to endanger their own lives in such tense circumstances. For this reason, those playing risky sports can build up endurance and stamina against stress and thus a boost in productivity. In conclusion, extreme sports, albeit being dangerous and harmful to players, should not be prohibited and freedom should be given to those who wish to achieve a sense of fulfilment by taking part in these sports.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether the
Possible spelling mistake found.
governement
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as car-racing, boxing, parachuting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. While this argument seems reasonable to certain extent, I believe that such prohibition should not
be implemented
.

On the one hand, there area several reasons to believe that banning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is vital and beneficial.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
involve various
Possible spelling mistake found.
unforseeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
which could
directly
put participant’s life into jeopardy. Parachuting,
for instance
, is a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
that captivates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adventurous youngsters.
However
, should a player is not
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "equipped", the past tense form of the verb 'equip'?
equiped
with either knowledge about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
special equipments or problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they might be unable to operate the parachute
correctly
and timely. This mistake,
as a result
, poses threats to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Secondly
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
prevalance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can bring violence into real life. To illustrate, car-racers may possess a proclivity to break traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
due to their obsession to high speed, which results in severe accidents.

On the other hand
, though being
seemingly
reasonable, prohibition of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not viable. Individuals should
be entitled
with right and freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and activities they find enjoyable. If someone holds a desire for thrill and adventure then no one is able to deter them from pursuing their passions.
Besides
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can stimulate bravery and hone problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, leading to success at work. Players are
unconsciously
trained and sharpen their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
right decision not to endanger their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in such tense circumstances.
For this reason
, those playing risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can build up endurance and stamina against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
thus
a boost in productivity.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, albeit being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and harmful to players, should not
be prohibited
and freedom should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those who wish to achieve a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
by taking part in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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