Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office. v.138

It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office. v. 138
Nowadays, corporation world faces new challenges due to modern business developments. One of the major questions that have been raised with regards to this contention is that to what extent technology improvements should influence corporation world. Since with new technologies’ enhancements people can do their job from their homes rather than their companies’ offices, many scholars concede that it is a better approach for raising the job efficiency. However, when it comes to me, I conspicuously declare that it is necessary for employees to work in their offices. Among the most predominant reasons in support of this contention, less Distraction, and improving communication skills could be picked out for further analysis. To commence with, a consensus has yet to be reached; however, regarding the work efficiency, it is important for employees to bind to their job’s environment. When people work at home, their minds could be easily deflected from work due to the house issues. A brief assessment in this area discloses this proved fact that, when people regularly distracted from their work, their output decline drastically. To put it in other words, individuals cannot adequately concentrate on their job when they are at home owing to various problems that could be raised in house environment. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above. According to the results of a recent research conducting in General Motors business department, employees whom were allowed to work in home instead of office have more overtimes in comparison with others, but their outputs was greatly smaller compared to whom worked in offices. Beside the aforementioned point, the pivotal role of communication should not be underestimated. When employees work in companies’ offices they could have beneficial interacts with each other. Since in our modern society real social communication has been nearly eliminated due to the social networks development, depriving ourselves from communicating in office environment can lead to psychological disorders. Moreover, by communicating with other colleagues, peers could discuss different aspects of their jobs’ issues and this can be conducing to more career achievements. To be more impartial, many insightful minds assert that working in home has numerous advantages such as reducing the cities’ traffics, offering more work hours and enhancing creativity. But when we look at this contention providently, we observe that the trivial benefits of working at home could be overlooked by its indispensable disadvantages. To put it in a nutshell, although many sophisticated people think the otherwise, I reiterate that the undeniable role of working at office must be underscored. Back to the beginning controversial question, I cite a clear bias in favor of this indisputable fact that, through working at offices employees could attain many career achievements. To recapitulate, not only could they avoid distraction and heighten their efficiency, but also the communication that can be obtained by attending offices could pave the road for them in order to overcome their job problems.
Nowadays, corporation world faces new challenges due to modern business developments. One of the major questions that have
been raised
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
this contention is that to what extent technology improvements should influence corporation world. Since with new technologies’ enhancements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
rather
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scholars concede that it is a better approach for raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
efficiency.
However
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to me, I
conspicuously
declare that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
. Among the most predominant reasons in support of this contention, less Distraction, and improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
could
be picked
out for
further
analysis.

To commence with, a consensus has
yet
to
be reached
;
however
, regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to bind to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job’s
environment. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home, their minds could be
easily
deflected from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
issues. A brief assessment in this area discloses this proved fact that, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regularly
distracted from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, their output decline
drastically
. To put it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, individuals cannot
adequately
concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when they are at home owing to various problems that could
be raised
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
environment. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above. According to the results of a recent research conducting
in General
Motors business department,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
whom were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in home
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
have more overtimes
in comparison
with others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their outputs was
greatly
smaller compared to whom worked in offices.

Beside the aforementioned point, the pivotal role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
should not
be underestimated
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
they could have beneficial interacts with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Since in our modern society real social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has been
nearly
eliminated due to the social
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "networks'" or "network's"?
networks
development,
The usual collocation for "depriving" is "of" not "ourselves". Did you mean "depriving ourselves of"?
depriving ourselves from
communicating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
environment can lead to psychological disorders.
Moreover
, by communicating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
colleagues, peers could discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs’
issues and this can be conducing to more career achievements. To be more impartial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
insightful minds assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in home has numerous advantages such as reducing the cities’ traffics, offering more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours and enhancing creativity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when we look at this contention
providently
, we observe that the trivial benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home could
be overlooked
by its indispensable disadvantages.

To put it in a nutshell, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
otherwise
, I reiterate that the undeniable role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be underscored
. Back to the beginning controversial question, I cite a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
bias in favor of this indisputable fact that, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could attain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
career achievements. To recapitulate, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could they avoid distraction and heighten their efficiency,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
that can
be obtained
by attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
could pave the road for them in order to overcome their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
problems.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office. v. 138

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
488 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts