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Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater that it used to be. Others say that people only continue their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater that it used to be. Others say that people only continue their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so. v. 2
Nowadays, the younger generation tends to continue their education to higher levels. This grant them higher qualifications and opens more doors for them in the job market. While some argue that such trend is caused by the need sensed by them to become more and more desirable for a position, others believe people take part in such programs only because they privilege exists. I think the former argument has more weight. Looking at the unemployment rates, it is obvious that landing a rewarding career is in no way a simple task. Therefore, only had an individual obtained higher degree or professional certificate, they can qualify for their dream job. For instance, many recruiters are looking for tertiary graduates whom are specially trained. The level of skills developed under special training will determine the security of a beginner's career. In fact, the fear of inadequacy drives the potential employees to focus on gathering abilities which help them thrive in the future. But there's another side to this situation. In recent decades, a lot of educational facilities have been formed, which create the chance to steepen one's knowledge or set of skills. For example the existence of virtual universities enables versatility in the time and place in which the learner attends the class. As a result, these academies providing the learners with a more flexible environment, enable them to pursue their curiosity, whether it affects their occupation or not. Moreover, many who are currently employed would utilize this shot to advance. In conclusion, societies are faced with a wave of extremely competent youth. This is most definitely a reaction to a vastly competitive market, forcing the candidates to put more effort to better themselves. Although some believe that most of them are just taking advantage of an available opportunity.
Nowadays, the younger generation tends to continue their education to higher levels. This grant them higher qualifications and opens more doors for them in the job market. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that such trend
is caused
by the need sensed by them to become more and more desirable for a position, others believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in such programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they privilege exists. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the former argument has more weight.

Looking at the unemployment rates, it is obvious that landing a rewarding career is in no way a simple task.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had an individual obtained higher degree or professional certificate, they can qualify for their dream job.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recruiters are looking for tertiary graduates whom are
specially
trained. The level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
developed under special training will determine the security of a beginner's career. In fact, the fear of inadequacy drives the potential employees to focus on gathering abilities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them thrive in the future.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there's another side to this situation. In recent decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
educational facilities have
been formed
, which create the chance to steepen one's knowledge or set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
the existence of virtual universities enables versatility in the time and place in which the learner attends the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
As a result
, these academies providing the learners with a more flexible environment, enable them to pursue their curiosity, whether it affects their occupation or not.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who are
currently
employed would utilize this shot to advance.

In conclusion
, societies
are faced
with a wave of
extremely
competent youth. This is most definitely a reaction to a
vastly
competitive market, forcing the candidates to put more effort to better themselves.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that most of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
taking advantage of an available opportunity.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater that it used to be. Others say that people only continue their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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