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A holiday competition – invitation letterYou won a competition and received a vacation for two as a prize. Write a letter to ask them to go on holiday with you. In the letter, you should: •tell him/her about the competition you won, •state what kind o v.1

A holiday competition – invitation letterYou won a competition and received a vacation for two as a prize. Write a letter to ask them to go on holiday with you. In the letter, you should: •tell him/her about the competition you won, •state what kind o v. 1
It is often argued that high remuneration is more significant than contentment at the workplace. In my opinion, I completely agree with this statement as earning high wage greatly benefits an individual to stay blissful and motivated. Firstly, having a hefty pay scale helps a person to stay exultant. This is because when an individual receives a fat paycheck, he or she can afford an exquisite lifestyle which everyone desires. Moreover, they can purchase a lavish home and luxurious cars to provide themselves and their children a comfortable living. Conversely, when an individual does not have high remuneration they often feel dissatisfied and distressed which leads to diseases such as depression and heart ailments. For example, in a recent survey, it was reported that 55% of individuals are afflicted with constant stress because they are not satisfied with their pay scale. Another important reason is that high income keeps an individual motivated at work. This is because when a firm pays high salaries to their employees they feel contented and passionate about their job. In other words, to propitiate the benefits that the company provided to an employee, the staff works with more efficacy and tenacity. As a result, it propels the growth of both the individual and the company. For example, in 2018 in China the yearly performance of a firm grew exponentially after they had announced an increase in salaries of its employees. In conclusion, I consider that having a bigger income boosts happiness and keeps an individual encouraged to work which ultimately induces fulfilment in their lives.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration is more significant than contentment at the workplace. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage
greatly
benefits an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to stay blissful and motivated.

Firstly
, having a hefty pay scale
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a person to stay exultant. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
receives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
paycheck, he or she can afford an exquisite lifestyle which everyone desires.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a lavish home and luxurious cars to provide themselves and their children a comfortable living.
Conversely
, when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
does not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel dissatisfied and distressed which leads to diseases such as depression and heart ailments.
For example
, in a recent survey, it
was reported
that 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are afflicted
with constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not satisfied with their pay scale.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
motivated at work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when a firm pays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salaries to their employees they feel contented and passionate about their job.
In other words
, to propitiate the benefits that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
provided to an employee, the staff works with more efficacy and tenacity.
As a result
, it propels the growth of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
, in 2018 in China the yearly performance of a firm grew
exponentially
after they had announced an increase in salaries of its employees.

In conclusion
, I consider that having a bigger income boosts happiness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
encouraged
Did you mean "working"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to work
which
ultimately
induces
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay A holiday competition – invitation letterYou won a competition and received a vacation for two as a prize. Write a letter to ask them to go on holiday with you. In the letter, you should: •tell him/her about the competition you won, •state what kind o v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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