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Although more and more people are reading the news on the internet, most people still prefer reading the news in a newspaper. What are your views? v.1

Although more and more people are reading the news on the internet, most people still prefer reading the news in a newspaper. What are your views? v. 1
Since, the popularity of the Internet has been inclined, a plethora of masses prefers the news on it, whereas there are still some who choose a magazine for reading the news rather than the online articles. In my opinion, though the internet has brought several benefits, especially, broadcasting news in the online media, the journal is incredibly beneficial in order to improve mental capacity and learning habits. On the one hand, it is undeniable fact that the internet has revolutionized the way of reading news. This is because it is convenient to study the news articles at any location and time with the help of the Internet. In this contemporary era, people use various social networking sites such as Facebook and Instragram, where millions of the news on different topics are uploaded on a regular basis. For instance, a recent survey reveals that over thousands of the online articles can be published every day. Furthermore, it is inexpensive, so that it not only saves the person's money, but also saves time to visit to market for purchasing the books. On the flip side, the number of people continues to utilise the journal to keep updating about what is happening across the world in order to develop regular studying habits and foster the relationship. In other words, people are busy in their hectic employment and it becomes challenging to manage time for developing the creativity and knowledge through reading news. Similarly, this practice not only assists to develop intellectual ability, but also helps to alleviate stress and work burden. Moreover, the older generation would rather unfamiliar with latest technological advancement or never want to change their traditional way of reading the news. Hence, they still prefer to embrace the current news through the magazines. For example, my grandfather always reads a newspaper in the morning with colleagues. Consequently, it builds the strong relationship with them and enhances their knowledge as well. In conclusion, even though reading news on the Internet could be convenient and the cheapest, the newspaper would be the best choice for the elderly as well as in the far away places where internet facilities would inaccessible in order to strength relationships and improve the learning habits.
Since, the popularity of the Internet has
been inclined
, a plethora of masses prefers the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on it, whereas there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who choose a magazine for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
rather
than the online articles. In my opinion, though the internet has brought several benefits,
especially
, broadcasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the online media, the journal is
incredibly
beneficial in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
mental capacity and learning habits.

On the one hand, it is undeniable fact that the internet has revolutionized the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is convenient to study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
articles at any location and time with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the Internet. In this contemporary era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
various social networking sites such as Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Instragram
, where millions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
topics
are uploaded
on a regular basis.
For instance
, a recent survey reveals that over thousands of the online articles can
be published
every day.
Furthermore
, it is inexpensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves the person's money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
saves time to visit to market for purchasing the books.

On the flip side, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
continues to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the journal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updating about what is happening across the world in order to develop regular studying habits and foster the relationship.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy in their hectic employment and it becomes challenging
Did you mean "managing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to manage
time for developing the creativity and knowledge through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Similarly
, this practice not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
assists to develop intellectual ability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to alleviate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and work burden.
Moreover
, the older generation would
rather
unfamiliar with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technological advancement or never want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their traditional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Hence
, they
still
prefer to embrace the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
through the magazines.
For example
, my grandfather always reads a newspaper in the morning with colleagues.
Consequently
, it builds the strong relationship with them and enhances their knowledge
as well
.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the Internet could be convenient and the cheapest, the newspaper would be the best choice for the elderly
as well
as in the far away places where internet facilities would inaccessible in order to strength relationships and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the learning habits.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Although more and more people are reading the news on the internet, most people still prefer reading the news in a newspaper. What are your views? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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