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Young people spend their free time i shopping center. this has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Young people spend their free time i shopping center. this has negative effects on young people and society. v. 1
Shoping centres are common places which more and more pupils prefer here especially when they have free time. Some people assert that this attitude has bad impression on students and society. However, I am inclined to believe that going crowded places has benefits in spite of opponents. Because of the fact that people can choose there to study and relax. In this essay I will state my opinion with some examples. On the one hand, all of the students cannot concentrate in a silent space such as a library or a cafe shop. That is to say, those who want to study can choose a shopping center's coffee. Therefore, shopping malls are a good option for many people. Because of the fact that they can meet their friends and do their assignments by sharing their own idea. Thus, some homeworks are done well in proportion doing unaccompanied. For example, when I was a high school junior I have gone to get together so that we do our homework. On the other side, mounting evidence concerning this issue that after a busy school day people should be relaxed by doing some activities such as verbal confabulation with their best friends, walking, etc. Sitting every time at home after a tiring day can be boring. Thereby, going a coffee in a mall can be a good choice for many people to unwind and doing different activities. For instance, according to a great number of health reports, unless taking a break and studying all time can be dangerous for people in terms of cerebral. To sum up, in light of this information above, it can be clearly said that even though some opponents wasting time by going malls has numerous benefits for people and society. Yet, it should not be exaggerated.
Shoping
centres
are common places which more and more pupils prefer here
especially
when they have free
time
.
Some
people
assert that this attitude has
bad
impression on students and society.
However
, I
am inclined
to believe that going crowded places has benefits
in spite of
opponents.
Because of the fact that
people
can choose there to study and relax. In this essay I will state my opinion with
some
examples.

On the one hand,
all of the
students cannot concentrate in a silent space such as a library or a
cafe
shop.
That is
to say, those who want to study can choose a shopping center's coffee.
Therefore
, shopping malls are a
good
option for
many
people
.
Because of the fact that
they can
meet
their friends and do their assignments by sharing their
own
idea
.
Thus
,
some
homeworks
are done
well in proportion doing unaccompanied.
For example
, when I was a high school junior I have gone to
get
together
so
that we do our homework.

On the other side, mounting evidence concerning this issue that after a busy school day
people
should
be relaxed
by doing
some
activities such as verbal confabulation with their best friends, walking, etc. Sitting every
time
at home after a tiring day can be boring. Thereby, going a coffee in a mall can be a
good
choice for
many
people
to unwind and doing
different
activities.
For instance
, according to a great number of health reports, unless taking a break and studying all
time
can be
dangerous
for
people
in terms of cerebral.

To sum up, in light of this information above, it can be
clearly
said that
even though
some
opponents wasting
time
by going malls has numerous benefits for
people
and society.
Yet
, it should not
be exaggerated
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people spend their free time i shopping center. this has negative effects on young people and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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