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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v.12

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 12
It is commonly believed that the arts play a fundamental role in society, however, people are showing less and less interest in art these days and pay more attention to researching and technology. In this essay, I will analyse the reasons of this phenomenon and give some suggestions in order to alter this situation. In this age of technological marvels, it is obvious that science and technology play a crucial role in a modern society. Firstly, the general public cannot imagine life without electronic devices. Technology and the internet have given an incredible source of knowledge available anytime at our fingertips to all of us. Moreover, people from their childhood are motivated to find a good job and have a decent wage. From this perspective, science and business also create more jobs for helping people to make money and sustain economics. Secondly, another reason for the diminishing popularity of the profession is that a businessman or salaried employee gets monthly income opposed to an artist who would have to wait till the art has been sold. To solve this issue learning craft in elementary school level will help to promote children creativity and imagination, to explain youngsters that craft can help to express their emotions and feelings. It is a well-known fact, that without the development imagination and critical thinking, it is difficult to become the successful employee and make non-typical decisions. Moreover, the government should create jobs in the craft sector by opening more and more professional galleries and organizing exhibitions. To sum up, the importance of science and business is undeniable, but studying arts at school and college level and creating jobs in the profession sector should be encouraged and supported by the government.
It is
commonly
believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
play a fundamental role in society,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are showing less and less interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
these days and pay more attention to researching and technology. In this essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the reasons of this phenomenon and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions in order to alter this situation.

In this age of technological marvels, it is obvious that science and technology play a crucial role in a modern society.
Firstly
, the
Consider using "public".
general public
cannot imagine life without electronic devices. Technology and the internet have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an incredible source of knowledge available anytime at our fingertips to all of us.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from their childhood
are motivated
to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and have a decent wage. From this perspective, science and business
also
create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and sustain economics.
Secondly
, another reason for the diminishing popularity of the profession is that a businessman or salaried employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
monthly income opposed to an artist who would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has
been sold
.

To solve this issue learning craft in elementary school level will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote children creativity and imagination, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
youngsters that craft can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to express their emotions and feelings. It is a well-known fact, that without the development imagination and critical thinking, it is difficult to become the successful employee and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
non-typical decisions.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the craft sector by opening more and more professional galleries and organizing exhibitions.

To sum up, the importance of science and business is undeniable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
at school and college level and creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the profession sector should
be encouraged
and supported by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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