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Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with largeq supermarkets in the area. How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v.1

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with largeq supermarkets in the area. How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v. 1
It is true that the majority of the small shops are unable to cope with enormous supermarkets in the region in a rapidly changing world. Although there will unquestionably be repercussions of this trend in local communities, the government can take steps to mitigate the potential problems. Since there are many issues that local communities encounter due to the closure of local shops several related drawbacks can be anticipated. Firstly, it could be argued that large shopping malls bring different vendors under a single roof and offer a spectrum of products. Therefore, the competition could take place in an unfair environment and supermarket chains will begin to corner the market. This will lead to the major companies have the final say on pricing. Under these circumstances, it is almost impossible to compete with big supermarkets which causes the local shops to close down due to lack of business. Another pressing problem could be thought that small businesses serve an important function in keeping the economy of local communities stable. In fact, local shops are vital because numerous factories rely on them to sell their products. Thus, without these small businesses, many plants will threaten to be closed. As a result of this fact, a considerable amount of labourers might lose their jobs and become a social burden. For example, it has been shown that in some underdeveloped countries, the local people significantly hinge on small businesses. Therefore, without these local businesses, the living standard would deteriorate. There are several actions that the government could take to resolve/mitigate the drawbacks depicted above. Initially granted, it could be asserted that delimitation should definitely set measures to the prices of essential products and monitor them strictly. This will give assurance that supermarket chains cannot dictate the pricing and eventually local shops can maintain their existence. Another measure could be considered that subvention by the government might considerably help the local shops to purchase goods and as a result, increasingly people will be attracted to start such shops, and eventually this will alleviate unemployment. In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as competing with supermarkets.
It is true that the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are unable to cope with enormous supermarkets in the region in a
rapidly
changing world. Although there will
unquestionably
be repercussions of this trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can take steps to mitigate the potential problems.

“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities encounter due to the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
several related drawbacks can
be anticipated
.
Firstly
, it could
be argued
that large shopping malls bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vendors under a single roof and offer a spectrum of products.
Therefore
, the competition could take place in an unfair environment and supermarket chains will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to corner the market. This will lead to the major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have the final say on pricing.
Under these circumstances
, it is almost impossible to compete with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
supermarkets which causes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to close down due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Another pressing problem could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
serve an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
function in keeping the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities stable. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
numerous factories rely on them to sell their products.
Thus
, without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
plants will threaten to
be closed
.
As a result
of this fact, a considerable amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
might lose their jobs and become a social burden.
For example
, it has
been shown
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
underdeveloped countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
significantly
hinge on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
Therefore
, without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, the living standard would deteriorate.

There are several actions that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could take to resolve/mitigate the drawbacks depicted above.
Initially
granted, it could
be asserted
that delimitation should definitely set measures to the prices of essential products and monitor them
strictly
. This will give assurance that supermarket chains cannot dictate the pricing and
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can maintain their existence. Another measure could
be considered
that subvention by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
might
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
as a result
,
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be attracted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, and
eventually
this will alleviate unemployment.

In conclusion
, various measures can
be taken
to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as competing with supermarkets.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with largeq supermarkets in the area. How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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