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A university plans to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your v.1

A university plans to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your v. 1
In a materialistic society like nowadays, people tend to look toward the benefits without concern about the negative that it brings back. The result is an ignorance about the important role of the natural world that is surrounding them. There are several reasons behind this phenomenon and several solutions should be adopted by governments and individuals to tackle the situation. First, there are two primary reasons why the important role played by the natural world surrounding us are being ignored. One reason is that we don’t have the time and mind to pay intention to the subject. We - humans, are caught in a busy lifestyle, neither it was being obligated to stay all day in an office or working at home, we don’t have much time to bother to care about anything else besides our own business. For children and those who are still pursuing education, school system force them to sit in classes for 8 hours or more in a day just to stick their head in books, they hardly have time to play outside and acknowledge the natural world around them. Furthermore, festivals and carnivals about nature, such as spring or harvest celebrations had disappeared over time. The young generation these days are not interested in the natural world anymore, instead, they become distracted or even addictive with social media and modern tech. Fortunately, several measures could be taken to prevent this problem. The first solution would be to encourage people to volunteer in environmental work, companies should make a regulation to send some of the employees to sign up for environment protections at their local places. People themselves can voluntarily take part in these events to gain some life experiences and get connected more with others. As for the school system, they should balance between study and relaxation, besides studying, schools should give children or student a reasonable time to relax and play outside so that they could get time to know the natural surrounding. Not only changing the lifestyle but also celebrate to remember the important role of the natural world by holding lots of festivals and carnivals with environmental themes, not only will it get people to remember the meaning of the event and connect with others, tourist will be attracted to come and make benefit for the local and the economy at the same time. In conclusion, it is clear that these are various reasons for the lack of understanding about nature, but with proper solutions, people will keep in mind the world they are living in.
In a materialistic society like nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to look toward the benefits without concern about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
that it brings back. The result is an ignorance about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
that is
surrounding them. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this phenomenon and several solutions should
be adopted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and individuals to tackle the situation.

First
, there are two primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role played by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
surrounding us are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that we don’t have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and mind to pay intention to the subject. We
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
humans,
are caught
in a busy lifestyle, neither it was
being obligated
to stay all day in an office or working at home, we don’t have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to bother to care about anything else
besides
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. For children and those who are
still
pursuing education, school system force them to sit in classes for 8 hours or more in a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to stick their head in books, they hardly have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play outside and acknowledge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
around them.
Furthermore
, festivals and carnivals about nature, such as spring or harvest celebrations had disappeared over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The young generation these days are not interested in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
anymore,
instead
, they become distracted or even addictive with social media and modern tech.

Fortunately
, several measures could
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem. The
first
solution would be to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to volunteer in environmental work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a regulation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for environment protections at their local places.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
themselves can
voluntarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
life experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected more with others. As for the school system, they should balance between study and relaxation,
besides
studying, schools should give children or student a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and play outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
surrounding. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
changing the lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
celebrate to remember the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
by holding lots of festivals and carnivals with environmental themes, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to remember the meaning of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and connect with others, tourist will
be attracted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
benefit for the local and the economy at the same time.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the lack of understanding about nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with proper solutions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
they are living in.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay A university plans to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
424 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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