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young people inn the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact dose this have on the relationship between old and young people? v.2

young people inn the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact dose this have on the relationship between old and young people? v. 2
Nowadays the new generation looks like they have more impact than last generations. Because of the more and more advance technology the relationship between old and young individuals is getting deteriorated. The technology it became part of a daily basis rutine for young people. Social media give them the power of freedom on expressing their feelings and becoming influencers for others. By filming themself testing products and giving their opinion, putting the video on youtube so others can make their mind base on that video, about buying or not that product. The relationship between old and young people is getting worst because of the different point of view of them. While the young generation is more interested in the virtual world and new gadgets, the old ones do not get along with it. In conclusion young people are aware of the power of technology and take advantages of it, but at the same time that is distancing them from old people.
Nowadays the new generation looks like they have more impact than last generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the more and more advance technology the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals is getting deteriorated.

The technology it became part of a daily basis
Possible spelling mistake found.
rutine
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Social media give them the power of freedom on expressing their feelings and becoming influencers for others. By filming
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
testing products and giving their opinion, putting the video on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
others can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their mind base on that video, about buying or not that product.

The relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
getting worst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view of them. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is more interested in the virtual world and new gadgets, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with it.

In conclusion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of the power of technology and take advantages of it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time
that is
distancing them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay young people inn the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact dose this have on the relationship between old and young people? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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