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People nowadays live longer than they used to. What caused this situation? Is it a negative or positive development? v.2

People nowadays live longer than they used to. What caused this situation? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 2
The time that people last has change with the pass of the years. Nowadays people last longer than before. I believe that it is a positive development. In my opinion what causes this change is that people today put more attention in what they eat. I also believe that people today practice more exercises than many years ago. Additionally, people have better quality of lives compared with their ancestors. People today last longer than people from many years ago because they put more attention in what they eat. What we eat will determinate how we will spend the rest of our lives. Today, people are more conscious that their health will be in danger if they are not taking care about how they prepare their food and what they eat. People today compared with people before eat less fatty food. Fatty food causes high blood pressure and thus causes heart problems. Avoiding those kind of food could help people to last more. High sugar food content is very dangerous for health. This kind of food could cause being diabetic which is a very dangerous disease. People today, avoid to put to much sugar in their food. Using alternatives like Stevia or Splenda are sweeteners that people use today instead of sugar which is a life threatening ingredient. Too much carbohydrates in daily basis food is also very dangerous for health. Today, we have consciousness of that, and we avoid to eat that food. Eating healthy, absolutely, is one of the positive thing that people do today that help them to last longer. Another great impact in people today that cause them to live more than before is practicing exercises. Exercises help us to lubricate our joints, also it is good in order to avoid heart and weight problems. Moreover, exercises are good for mental health. Doing yoga, for instance, is very helpful to keep the internal and the external health in equilibrium. Those kind of exercises help people to release stress from the intense hard work that we have nowadays. Riding bicycle is another good practice. It is very good to increase the muscles tone, and it it is also good to avoid arthritis. This disease is very common in sedentary people. Dedicating at least one hour daily to practice any kind of exercise is what make people today healthier than before. Last but not least, people today have better quality of lives compared with people from many years ago. We have a big number of machines and tools that made the people work easily. Before, the population had to do very hard work in order to do construction work or farm work. With the advance of technology people have improve their quality of live and people don’t have to do a such health compromised work. There are computerize machines and advance technology that helps them to make the work quickly and easily without people health harm. I do believe that people live longer than before. Today we are more aware of what we eat and what we do in order to improve our live and last more. Exercises and quality of live along with a good diet are the most important factors that have improve the people lives and makes then to live more.
The time that
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people
last has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with the pass of the years. Nowadays
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people
last longer than
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before
. I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. In my opinion what
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causes
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is that
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people
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today
put more attention in what they
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eat
. I
also
believe that
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people
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today
practice more
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exercises
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago.
Additionally
,
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people
have better
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quality
of
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lives
compared with their ancestors.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
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today
last longer than
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people
from
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many
years ago
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they put more attention in what they
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eat
. What we
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eat
will determinate how we will spend the rest of our
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lives
.
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Today
,
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people
are more conscious that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
if they are not taking care about how they prepare their
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food
and what they
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eat
.
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People
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today
compared with
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people
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before
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eat
less fatty
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food
. Fatty
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food
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causes
high blood pressure and
thus
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causes
heart problems. Avoiding those
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kind
of
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food
could
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help
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people
to last more. High sugar
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food
content is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
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health
. This
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kind
of
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food
could
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cause
being diabetic which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
disease.
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People
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today
,
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid putting".
avoid to put
Did you mean "too"?
to
much sugar in their
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food
. Using alternatives like Stevia or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Splenda
are sweeteners that
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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today
instead
of sugar which is a life threatening ingredient. Too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
carbohydrates in daily basis
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food
is
also
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
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health
.
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Today
, we have consciousness of that, and we
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avoid
to
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eat
that
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food
. Eating healthy,
absolutely
, is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing that
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people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to last longer.

Another great impact in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
is practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to lubricate our joints,
also
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
heart and weight problems.
Moreover
,
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exercises
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Doing yoga,
for instance
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the internal and the external
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health
in equilibrium. Those
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kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from the intense
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that we have nowadays. Riding bicycle is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
practice. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to increase the muscles tone, and
It seems you either mean "if it", "it" or there is a comma missing: "it, it".
it it
is
also
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good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
arthritis. This disease is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Dedicating at least one hour daily to practice any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
healthier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago. We have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of machines and tools that made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
easily
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Before
, the population had to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to do construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. With the advance of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Use past participle here: "improved".
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do a such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
compromised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. There are computerize machines and advance technology that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
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work
quickly
and
easily
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
harm.

I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
we are more aware of what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
and what we do in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and last more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercises
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
along with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
diet are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors that have
Use past participle here: "improved".
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
then to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
more.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
118Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowadays live longer than they used to. What caused this situation? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
545 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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