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young people inn the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact dose this have on the relationship between old and young people? v.1

young people inn the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact dose this have on the relationship between old and young people? v. 1
Nowadays, as a result of constant media attention, sports professionals in my country have become stars and celebrities, and those at the top are paid huge salaries. Just like movie stars, they live extravagant lifestyles with huge houses and cars. Many people find their rewards unfair, especially when comparing these super salaries with those of top surgeons or research scientists, or even leading politicians who have the responsibility of governing the country. In other words, however, sports salaries are not determined by considering the contribution to society a person makes, or the level of responsibility he or she holds. Instead, they reflect the public popularity of sport in general and the level of public support that successful stars can generate. So the notion of ‘fairness’ is not the issue. Those who feel that sports stars’ salaries are justified might argue that the number of professionals with real talent are very few, and the money is a recognition of the skills and dedication a person needs to be successful. Moreover, Competition is constant and a player is tested every time they perform in their relatively short career. The pressure from the media is intense and there is little privacy out of the spotlight. So all of these factors may justify the huge earnings. In conclusion, personally, I think that the amount of money such sports stars make is more justified than the huge earnings of movie stars, but at the same time, it indicates that our society places more value on sport than on more essential professions and achievements.
Nowadays,
as a result
of constant media attention,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professionals in my country have become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
and celebrities, and those at the top
are paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
extravagant lifestyles with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and cars.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find their rewards unfair,
especially
when comparing these super
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
with those of top surgeons or research scientists, or even leading politicians who have the responsibility of governing the country.
In other words
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are not determined by considering the contribution to society a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
, or the level of responsibility he or she holds.
Instead
, they reflect the public popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in general
and the level of public support that successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
can generate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the notion of ‘fairness’ is not the issue.

Those who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are justified
might argue that the number of professionals with real talent are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few, and the money is a recognition of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and dedication a person needs to be successful.
Moreover
, Competition is constant and a player is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
every time they perform in their
relatively
short career. The pressure from the media is intense and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
privacy out of the spotlight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
all of these factors may justify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
earnings.

In conclusion
,
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the amount of money such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is more justified than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
earnings of movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, it indicates that our society places more value on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
than on more essential professions and achievements.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay young people inn the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact dose this have on the relationship between old and young people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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