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Young people from rich countries are spending time for unpaid works in poor countries. Why? Who benefit more, young peole or poor countries? v.1

Young people from rich countries are spending time for unpaid works in poor countries. Why? Who benefit more, young peole or poor countries? v. 1
Cars have become a fundamental need of mass life, besides food, clothing and shelter. Certain people understand that pollution is inclining due to cars in this modern era, while others thing oppose on it. I strongly favour in this notion. I will discuss my views and give my opinion in paragraphs Firstly, there are numerous causes, why cars become an essential part of lifespan? The main reason is comfortable. In past time, people take walking as well as use cycle for reaching one destination to another destination, therefore they waste a lot of time. But, in modern days people utilize car and easily reach on destination, which they want to go there. People do not waste time for waiting bus and train. By using car mankinds travel with whole family. Secondly, cars have crucial for those families, where elderly people are living. Since, they suffer with widespread diseases and emergency time that family use the car and reach easily in the hospital. As a result mankinds save that patient. On the other hand, some drawbacks of cars. The main is pollution. Cars burn a lot of fuel, namely petrol as well as diesel. It emission chemical gases like carbon dioxide and mono oxide, which are not ideal for atmosphere. Hence people suffer with dangerous diseases. Such as skin cancer and asthma. Apart from this, by pollution. Climate is changing throughout the time the period. Summer become so hotter and winter become so cold. Besides it, the glacier is melting day by day. The level of the sea in incline, which is become the cause of the tsunami and fled In conclusion, although cars have a lot of merits, nevertheless human beings cannot forget of the disadvantages. Hence people less use of cars, when they need of a car.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cars
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a fundamental need of mass life,
besides
food, clothing and shelter. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand that pollution is inclining due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in this modern era, while others thing oppose on it. I
strongly
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
in this notion. I will discuss my views and give my opinion in paragraphs

Firstly
, there are numerous causes, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an essential part of lifespan? The main reason is comfortable. In past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take walking
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cycle for reaching one destination to another destination,
therefore
they waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in modern days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and
easily
reach on destination, which they want to go there.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for waiting bus and train. By using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
Possible spelling mistake found.
mankinds
travel with whole family.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have crucial for those families, where elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living. Since, they suffer with widespread diseases and emergency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and reach
easily
in the hospital.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result
Possible spelling mistake found.
mankinds
save that patient.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. The main is pollution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cars
burn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fuel,
namely
petrol
as well
as diesel.
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'It'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
It emission
chemical gases like carbon dioxide and mono oxide, which are not ideal for atmosphere.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases. Such as skin cancer and asthma. Apart from this, by pollution. Climate is changing throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the period. Summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
hotter and winter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
.
Besides
it, the glacier is melting day by day. The level of the sea in incline, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the cause of the tsunami and fled

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
merits,
nevertheless
human beings cannot forget of the disadvantages.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, when they need of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people from rich countries are spending time for unpaid works in poor countries. Why? Who benefit more, young peole or poor countries? v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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