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More and more people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities? v.1

More and more people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities? v. 1
Nowadays, adolescents from developed countries have a tendency to devote a short time to doing volunteer activities such as teaching or house construction for the poorer ones. Some explanations will be put forwards before benefits that both youngsters and the host countries gained. There are two fundamental reasons why the youth make a decision for doing the job with no salary. First and foremost, young persons would like to have a chance to be exposed to a wide range of challenges. This is because whenever they come to remote areas, they need make an effort to solve hardship situations which will sharp them into more stronger and experienced persons. Secondly, a huge amount of prevalent points for their curriculum vitae also obtained after doing unpaid job. This is because almost all of the organizations also reward certificate for participants. Hence, the chance to meet job standard and be selected by the employer will more enhanced. At the same time, volunteer activities for the poorer countries also bring benefits for both the host country and the volunteer people. In terms of supported countries, the living standard of residents will be heightened. As inhabitants will have opportunities to live in accommodations with no fear of homeless whenever natural disaster happen. Furthermore, children also broaden their knowledge through free lessons of volunteer people. Regarding volunteer adolescents, they will acquire profound understanding of the misery and hardship of the inhabitants. Therefore, a sense of humanity and altruism will be fostered in their own and make them more value their current condition they have. To conclude, the value related to rewarding experiences and job opportunities are two main causes for doing unpaid work of the young. These activities bring benefits for not only volunteer persons but also communities.
Nowadays, adolescents from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a tendency to devote a short time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
activities such as teaching or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
construction for the poorer ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
explanations will
be put
forwards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
benefits that both youngsters and the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
gained.

There are two fundamental reasons why the youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with no salary.
First
and foremost, young persons would like to have a chance to
be exposed
to a wide range of challenges. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to remote areas, they need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to solve hardship situations which will sharp them into
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
and experienced persons.
Secondly
, a huge amount of prevalent points for their curriculum vitae
also
obtained after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
organizations
also
reward certificate for participants.
Hence
, the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
standard and
be selected
by the employer will more enhanced.

At the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
activities for the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
also
bring benefits for both the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In terms of supported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the living standard of residents will
be heightened
. As inhabitants will have opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in accommodations with no fear of homeless whenever natural disaster happen.
Furthermore
, children
also
broaden their knowledge through free lessons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
adolescents, they will acquire profound understanding of the misery and hardship of the inhabitants.
Therefore
, a sense of humanity and altruism will
be fostered
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more value their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
condition they have.

To conclude
, the value related to rewarding experiences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities are two main causes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
unpaid work of the young. These activities bring benefits for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
communities.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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