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The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.
Nowadays, reading and watching TV are two of the most important one’s leisure activities. However, it opens a controversial question as to whether reading or watching TV would enhance people’s imaginations and language-related skills. From my perspective, I believe that reading brings more benefits than watching TV to some extent for the following reasons. Reading for pleasure, on the one hand, can allow people to improve better imaginations and language skills. Firstly, reading which is considered to be an active method of knowledge acquisition allows readers to create their own characters or construct different interpretations of a text. Take Harry Potter which is a series of fantasy novels as an example, it brings readers to another world of wizards and magicians so that they have to use their creativity and imagination to visualize their characters. Secondly, reading can also do wonders for one’s language skills. By doing this, people can boost not only their vocabulary, but different grammatical structures. For example, one can pause at any moment to ponder the meaning of a word in different contexts- which is of paramount importance when learning a new language. On the other hand, watching TV does little to increase people’s imagination. Although it is undeniable that TV offers lively and colourful images than books, viewers can only watch passively the things given by TV programs; hence, they use their imagination little. Besides, in today’s digital world, TV is full of advertisements which sometimes distract someone from what they are watching and therefore it contributes to losing one’s focus. However, people can improve their listening and speaking skills via watching TV programs such as BBC News, which can affect people’s way of communication. As a result, watching TV also brings advantages to viewers In conclusion, to comprehensive development language ability, people have to combine both reading and watching. However, because of the enormous merits of reading in terms of imagination, I believe that reading is more an effective way than watching on the small screen.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and watching TV are two of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one’s leisure activities.
However
, it opens a controversial question
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
or watching TV would enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imaginations
and language-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. From my perspective, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
brings more benefits than watching TV to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent for the following reasons.

Reading for pleasure, on the one hand, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imaginations
and language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
which
is considered
to be an active method of knowledge acquisition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
readers to create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
characters or construct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interpretations of a text. Take Harry Potter which is a series of fantasy novels as an example, it brings readers to another world of wizards and magicians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their creativity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
to visualize their characters.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
can
also
do wonders for one’s language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. By doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can boost not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their vocabulary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
grammatical structures.
For example
, one can pause at any moment to ponder the meaning of a word in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
contexts- which is of paramount importance when learning a new language.

On the other hand
, watching TV does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
. Although it is undeniable that TV offers lively and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
images than books, viewers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
passively
the things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by TV programs;
hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
.
Besides
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s digital world, TV is full of advertisements which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
distract someone from what they are watching and
therefore
it contributes to losing one’s focus.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their listening and speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
via watching TV programs such as BBC News, which can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
way of communication.
As a result
, watching TV
also
brings advantages to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
viewers


In conclusion
, to comprehensive development language ability,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
combine both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and watching.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the enormous merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is
Did you mean "a more effective"?
more an effective
way than watching on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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