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Young people from rich countries are spending time for unpaid works in poor countries. Why? Who benefit more, young peole or poor countries? v.2

Young people from rich countries are spending time for unpaid works in poor countries. Why? Who benefit more, young peole or poor countries? v. 2
There is a growing number of youngsters from prosperous countries doing unsalaried jobs in underdeveloped nations. The reasons for this are many and various and it is beneficial for both young individuals and poverty-stricken countries as a whole. There are two principal factors which can explain this matter. The first and foremost reason is the spread of information today. The development of media coverage, such as TV, radio, newspaper, and especially the internet, has brought videos and images about the poverty of needy communities to the richer worlds. It has created an urge for the youth to take action. Many young individuals have decided to travel and spend months or even years to help the people who are in need. Another reason is the emergence of cheap airline carriers. This has made it easier for young men and women who have a tight budget to go abroad to remote corners of the world. And doing unpaid jobs pays bonuses for both young people and less developed communities. On the one hand, participating in voluntary works benefits young generation not also in their upcoming jobs but also in their future lives. This might broaden their horizons and experiences about the local cultures and indigenous people. Young adult would have a profound understanding about the misery and hardship of needy native people. This will make them learn about the value of money and foster a great sense of humanity and selflessness, which can help those young adult develop spiritually and bring them a feeling of self-satisfaction. In addition, those graduates and undergraduates will build their own social network and polish their resumes by getting involved in social activities such as teaching and building accommodation for the poor. On the other hand, people in underprivileged nations would gain a lot of benefits from the work of young volunteers from affluent countries. This would heighten their living standards to some extent. The goods, work and knowledge given by those youngsters might have a significant impact on improving living conditions for the people in local communities, especially who are suffering from natural disasters such as earthquake or tsunami. In conclusion, there is a variety of reasons why the youth from developed countries have gone to underdeveloped countries to do voluntary works. And the volunteers who give help and the communities that receives assistance might gain equal benefits.
There is a growing number of youngsters from prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsalaried
jobs in underdeveloped nations. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and various and it is beneficial for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals and poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as a whole.

There are two principal factors which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this matter. The
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the spread of information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. The development of media coverage, such as TV, radio, newspaper, and
especially
the internet, has brought videos and images about the poverty of needy communities to the richer worlds. It has created an urge for the youth to take action.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals have decided to travel and spend months or even years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in need. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the emergence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
airline carriers. This has made it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a tight budget to go abroad to remote corners of the world. And doing unpaid jobs pays bonuses for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and less developed communities.

On the one hand, participating in voluntary works benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation not
also
in their upcoming jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in their future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This might broaden their horizons and experiences about the local cultures and indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
adult would have a profound understanding about the misery and hardship of needy native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them learn about the value of money and foster a great sense of humanity and selflessness, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult develop
spiritually
and bring them a feeling of self-satisfaction.
In addition
, those graduates and undergraduates will build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
social network and polish their resumes by getting involved in social activities such as teaching and building accommodation for the poor.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in underprivileged nations would gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
volunteers from affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This would heighten their living standards to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by those youngsters might have a significant impact on improving living conditions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in local communities,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are suffering from natural disasters such as earthquake or tsunami.

In conclusion
, there is a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why the youth from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have gone to underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to do voluntary works. And the volunteers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and the communities that receives assistance might gain equal benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people from rich countries are spending time for unpaid works in poor countries. Why? Who benefit more, young peole or poor countries? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
392 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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