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More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities? v.2

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities? v. 2
There is sufficient evidence to infer that in recent years, young generations in developed countries have a tendency to do volunteer work such as teaching for children or building houses in developing countries. This trend is resulted by several reasons and I strongly believe that both young citizens and the society are highly beneficial equally. There are various reasons why young volunteers take a consideration on doing unpaid work to support disadvantageous people in poorer countries. The primary reason is that the globalization makes the tendency happen easily. It is no doubt that nowadays the international organisations which assist poor countries gain increasing popularity. To be more specific, by the global information, young people have fundamental knowledge about what happen in other countries, which makes them have a strong desire to take part in the volunteer organizations to help suffering people all over the world. On the other hand, it cannot be denied that both young individuals and the communities would gain a huge of positive impacts for this trend. Firstly, volunteers not only have incredible experieces about how to live independently without parents’s caring but also can have a golden opportunity to expand their social relationship. Furthermore, no sooner do young generations participate in international volunteer team than they can master the vital soft skills such as conflict management and solving problems. Secondly, it is obvious that the communities can greatly benefit from this tendency. People in the society can save a great deal of money because of supporting activities of kind people. In addition, by the variety meanningful works, a wide range of poor people are assisted. For example, the educational activites can bring disadvatageous children important chances to have a bright career in the future. In conclusion, this trend become more popular because of certain reasons and I would suppose that the young adults and the society can get equally the advatageous effects by it.
There is sufficient evidence to infer that in recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a tendency to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
work such as teaching for children or building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This trend
is resulted
by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and I
strongly
believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens and the society are
highly
beneficial
equally
.

There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
take a consideration on doing unpaid work to support disadvantageous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the tendency happen
easily
. It is no doubt that nowadays the international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
which assist poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
gain increasing popularity. To be more specific, by the global information,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have fundamental knowledge about what happen in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them have a strong desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to suffer" or "suffer".
suffering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world.

On the other hand
, it cannot
be denied
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals and the communities would gain
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts for this trend.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have incredible
Possible spelling mistake found.
experieces
about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
without
Did you mean "parent’s" or "parents’"?
parents’s
caring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can have a golden opportunity to expand their social relationship.
Furthermore
, no sooner do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations participate in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
team than they can master the vital soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as conflict management and solving problems.
Secondly
, it is obvious that the communities can
greatly
benefit from this tendency.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the society can save a great deal of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of supporting activities of kind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, by the variety
Possible spelling mistake found.
meanningful
works, a wide range of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are assisted
.
For example
, the educational
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
can bring
Possible spelling mistake found.
disadvatageous
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
chances to have a bright career in the future.

In conclusion
, this trend become more popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and I would suppose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults and the society can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equally
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
advatageous
effects by it.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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