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The diagram shows how a type of tent called a tepee is built. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The diagram shows how a type of tent called a tepee is built.
Good educational background is always considered to be one of the most optimal factors in building a successful career. However, some people are being very successful in life despite their failure in schools. This essay will give all of you a more multidimensional view of the reasons for these cases and some key factors to succeed in life. Grades at schools cannot be used to comprehensively evaluate students' abilities. First and foremost, in some places in the world, the teaching methods and the textbook set are very old-fashioned. This not only makes every lesson very boring, but also hinder the creativity of the students. All the students in a single classroom do not have the same set of skill or interest. Some of them are very good at math, while others can be good at singing, painting, acting or programming. As a result, even if a student fails to finish school, that does not mean his/her life ends there. There are plenty of examples of people like Mark Zuckerberg, Rihanna, Leonardo Dicaprio, Winston Churchill etc. Are among the most influential and eminent people who did not finish their education. Therefore, it can be said that formal education is not the only way to success, rather hard work and dedication to what you want to do in life. There is a quotation I like: "On the way to success, there is no trace of lazy men". Hence, everything we should do to take further steps in career is hard work. We must outline clear plans and goals, then give a certain time we will make efforts to complete them. A conscious mind and perseverance are very essential. Sometime, we should take risks and rely on a little luck. The successful entrepreneurs like Billion Jack Ma, Bill Gates, etc. Are good examples. Although they did not choose academic education, they still make continuous efforts to actualize their dreams and become influential people in the world. In short, the academic grade will not prove the success of each person in the future. Moreover, there is no success without sweat and tears.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
educational background is always considered to be one of the most optimal factors in building a successful career.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful in life despite their failure in schools. This essay will give all of you a more multidimensional view of the reasons for these cases and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key factors to succeed in life.

Grades at schools cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
comprehensively
evaluate students' abilities.
First
and foremost, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places in the world, the teaching methods and the textbook set are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
every lesson
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
boring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
hinder the creativity of the students. All the students in a single classroom do not have the same set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
or interest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at math, while others can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at singing, painting, acting or programming.
As a result
, even if a student fails to finish school, that does not mean his/her life ends there. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of examples of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like Mark Zuckerberg, Rihanna, Leonardo
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dicaprio
, Winston Churchill etc. Are among the most influential and eminent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who did not finish their education.
Therefore
, it can
be said
that formal education is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication to what you want to do in life.

There is a quotation I like:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
On the way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, there is no trace of lazy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
Hence
, everything we should do to take
further
steps in career is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
outline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
plans and goals, then give a certain time we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to complete them. A conscious mind and perseverance are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential. Sometime, we should take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and rely on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
luck. The successful entrepreneurs like Billion Jack Ma, Bill Gates, etc. Are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
examples. Although they did not choose academic education, they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
continuous efforts to actualize their dreams and become influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.

In short, the academic grade will not prove the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of each person in the future.
Moreover
, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
without sweat and tears.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram shows how a type of tent called a tepee is built.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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