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Do you agree or disagree with following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. v.7

A person should never make an important decision alone. v. 7
In this era of technology, changes occur in every aspect of people’s daily life. It leads to a controversial question as to whether people are more dependent on each other or becoming more independent. This essay will shed light on both points of view and present my own position. On the one hand, there are manifold reasons why people are more reliant on each other in today’s life. To begin with, due to the cost of living in many countries has increased significantly, people have to work hard to earn a living. Those who worked around the clock have to rely on their relatives for help to prepare meals because they cannot have enough time to do this. Another example could be seen is that children are unable to manage the prices of education without parents. Furthermore, as people are more ambitious, they are more likely to rely on a supportive network of contacts which is key to success in their career later. On the other hand, some believe that humans are less reliant on others. Firstly, with the advancements in technology today, there are tons of apps that allow us to control every aspect of our lives developed to augment the real-life experience. For example, when it comes to emails, we had been sending letters through postman in the past, but now the process is automated in light of the proliferation of technological developments- one of the perks of living in the modern world. Secondly, many students are more self-reliance when they choose to study abroad rather than go to local universities. Therefore, it makes them more independent, self-confidence and more success in their life as they have to learn to live alone. In conclusion, by considering the aforementioned arguments from both sides, I believe that independence and dependence are always based on certain situations. Therefore, humans need to combine these two aspects to balance life.
In this era of technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
occur in every aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It leads to a controversial question
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more dependent on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
or becoming more independent. This essay will shed light on both points of view and present my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
position.

On the one hand, there are manifold reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more reliant on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, due to the cost of living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries has increased
significantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn a living. Those who worked around the clock
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on their relatives for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to prepare meals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to do this. Another example could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
is that children are unable to manage the prices of education without parents.
Furthermore
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more ambitious, they are more likely to rely on a supportive network of contacts which is key to success in their career later.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that humans are less reliant on others.
Firstly
, with the advancements in technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there are tons of apps that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to control every aspect of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
developed to augment the real-life experience.
For example
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to emails, we had been sending letters through postman in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the process
is automated
in light of the proliferation of technological developments- one of the perks of living in the modern world.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students are more self-reliance when they choose to study abroad
rather
than go to local universities.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more independent, self-confidence and more success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone.

In conclusion
, by considering the aforementioned arguments from both sides, I believe that independence and dependence are always based on certain situations.
Therefore
, humans need to combine these two aspects to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A person should never make an important decision alone. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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