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young people enjoy more than the older. Therefore, I agree with this statement that young people enjoy life more than older people do v.1

young people enjoy more than the older. Therefore, I agree with this statement that young people enjoy life more than older people do v. 1
People argue that children nowadays are addicted to television, thus neglecting to read books and become less well-educated. Although books are obviously irreplaceable, I partly agree with the statement because children can be benefitted from certain TV education programmes. To begin with, it is undeniable that books play a significant role in human’s life. They provide people with new knowledge, yet give them different insights and perspectives to life. Once people have questions to answer, they go for books. Books are a guide and a companion of human beings. However, besides books, children can learn from other sources, including TV programmes. To be precise, the kids can learn English through English programmes on TV. With a plenty of activities entailed such as singing, phonetics learning and storytelling, not only will children enrich their vocabulary bank, but they also will improve their speaking and listening skills, which could be difficult to master with books only. Furthermore, reading books and watching telly are not comparable since they offer two different styles of learning. While books stimulate children’s imagination and creativity through words, TVs use visual effects to bring the most genuine images to children, helping them visualise what they have read in books better. Additionally, TV programmes can also increase the curiosity of young learners, leading them to look for further details by reading more books and making them more knowledgeable than the past. In summary, although TV cannot replace books in learning, it is unreasonable to blame television for spoiling children. These two approaches are complementary to each other, and they should be used with an appropriate amount of time to give the best education to children.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
are addicted
to television,
thus
neglecting to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and become less well-educated. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
obviously
irreplaceable, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from certain TV education
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
play a significant role in human’s life. They provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with new knowledge,
yet
give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
insights and perspectives to life. Once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have questions to answer, they go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
are a guide and a companion of human beings.

However
,
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn from other sources, including TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. To be precise, the kids can learn English through English
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on TV. With a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of activities entailed such as singing, phonetics learning and storytelling, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enrich their vocabulary bank,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their speaking and listening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which could be difficult to master with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Furthermore
, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and watching
telly
are not comparable since they offer two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
styles of learning. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
imagination and creativity through words, TVs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
visual effects to bring the most genuine images to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, helping them
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualise' is British English.
visualise
what they have read in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
better.
Additionally
, TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can
also
increase the curiosity of young learners, leading them to look for
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
by reading more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and making them more knowledgeable than the past.

In summary, although TV cannot replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in learning, it is unreasonable to blame television for spoiling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These two approaches are complementary to each other, and they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with an appropriate amount of time to give the best education to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay young people enjoy more than the older. Therefore, I agree with this statement that young people enjoy life more than older people do v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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