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Do you agree or disagree with the folowing statement? Young people enjoy life more than older people do. v.2

Young people enjoy life more than older people do. v. 2
Enjoyment of life depends on our age as we can not do all the things we want at any age. I believe young people enjoy life more than older people do. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, at a young age, we have more family members and friends around us than our old age. For this reason, we can interact with the people around us. We never feel lonely or boring anytime as there is always someone to share our opinions or thoughts. Friends and family members help us a lot to enjoy life at a young age. From my personal experience, I am at a young age now. I have lots of friends and all the family members are beside me now. So whenever I feel bored or lonely, they give me the mental support and I do not feel lonely any more. I can discuss anything with them. Two years ago I failed in an examination because of my illness. My friends and family members gave me immense mental support then and I could overcome my depression. That is why I did well in my retake examination. Secondly, at a young age, we can do anything we want to enjoy our life. We can make a tour with friends anytime, gossip with our friends, enjoy university days with friends and so on. Most of these we can not do at our old age as the surrounding of us will be changed then. We will have very few friends and family members then. For this reason, most of the time we will feel lonely. For instance, last year I alone with some of my friends made a plan to travel Cox' s Bazar, the largest sea beach in the world. We made a plan for five days and we enjoyed ourselves a lot. We traveled all the surrounding areas of Cox' s Bazar, ate all the famous food items, took a bath in the sea, played water bikes and so on. In conclusion, I think that enjoying life is much easier for young people than the older one. This is because young people always have many friends and family members around them and they can do anything whatever they want.
Enjoyment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
depends on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as we can not do all the things we want at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, we have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
around us than our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For this reason
, we can interact with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around us. We never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lonely
or boring anytime as there is always someone to share our opinions or thoughts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us a lot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. From my personal experience, I am at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. I have lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are beside me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
whenever I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
bored or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lonely
, they give me the mental support and I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lonely
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
. I can discuss anything with them. Two years ago I failed in an examination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my illness. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
gave me immense mental support then and I could overcome my depression.
That is
why I did well in my retake examination.

Secondly
, at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, we can do anything we want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a tour with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
anytime, gossip with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
university days with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Most of these we can not do at our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as the surrounding of us will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
then. We will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
then.
For this reason
, most of the time we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lonely
.
For instance
, last year I alone with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
made a plan to travel
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cox&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bazar
, the largest sea beach in the world. We made a plan for five
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
days and
we enjoyed ourselves a lot. We traveled all the surrounding areas of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cox&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bazar
, ate all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
food items, took a bath in the sea, played water bikes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is much easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than the older one. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
around
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they can do anything whatever they want.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people enjoy life more than older people do. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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