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Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities What are the reasons Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v.2

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities What are the reasons Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v. 2
It is true that young generation tends to choose the big cities to be settled instead of living in their houses from remote areas. There are a variety of reasons to explain this problem, in my opinion, these are outweighed by the drawbacks of this trend. On the one hand, there are two prime causes that lead to urban migration of young adults. Firstly, they have countless opportunities to seek a good job in the city, especially the developing city where the new-established companies offer the huge number of employees. Thus, they could reach a high standard of living to fulfil their families’needs. Secondly, there are numerous universities for students to choose in terms of many fields of study like banking, technology, and economy. Youngsters would be mature enough to live independently through the vital soft skills in life because they had to live far from their homes. On the other hand, I believe that there are great disadvantages to be gained. One reason is that the developed cities would deal with harmful problems such as traffic jam, population explosion, and pressure on infrastructure and services. Take Ha Noi which is a densely populated city in Viet Nam as an example, if they hang out at peak hours, they can be seemed to be that pollution is caused by overusing private vehicles as cars or motorbikes. In addition, a widening gap between urban areas and countryside makes people living in rural areas feel dissatisfied and unfair. While the big cities gained a large workforce to promote the economy, the rural dwellers were rather hard to make ends meet due to lack of both skilled workers and professional leaders. In conclusion, it is no doubt that living in a big city is a good chance for young people in regard to educational opportunities and personal life, I would argue that this tendency has more negative impact on society than positive effects.
It is true that young generation tends to choose the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to
be settled
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
from remote areas. There are a variety of reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this problem, in my opinion, these
are outweighed
by the drawbacks of this trend.

On the one hand, there are two prime causes that lead to urban migration of young adults.
Firstly
, they have countless opportunities to seek a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in the city,
especially
the developing city where the new-established
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer the huge number of employees.
Thus
, they could reach a high standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
to fulfil their families’needs.
Secondly
, there are numerous universities for students to choose in terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields of study like banking, technology, and economy. Youngsters would be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
through the vital soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from their homes.

On the other hand
, I believe that there are great disadvantages to
be gained
. One reason is that the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would deal with harmful problems such as traffic jam, population explosion, and pressure on infrastructure and services. Take Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noi
which is a
densely
populated city in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam as an example, if they hang out at peak hours, they can
be seemed
to be that pollution
is caused
by overusing private vehicles as cars or motorbikes.
In addition
, a widening gap between urban areas and countryside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in rural areas feel dissatisfied and unfair. While the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
gained a large workforce to promote the economy, the rural dwellers were
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
due to lack of both skilled workers and professional leaders.

In conclusion
, it is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in regard to educational opportunities and personal life, I would argue that this tendency has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on society than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities What are the reasons Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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