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Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v.1

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1
A great number of your people, is moving from rural areas to cities, in order to study or work. In my opinion, I think this choice can be extremely beneficial on the long run, despite several drawbacks It can bring. There are two main reasons for which young people prefer to relocate in the cities. The first one is the higher chance to find relevant job and education opportunities compared to rural areas. In fact, cities with high density of population are generally the location of good universities and international business. There is one more reason behind this choice, namely the need of youth to live where daily life is lively, where there are an extreme number of opportunities to enjoy life, such as fitness, shopping, sports, pubs and restaurants. Admittedly, this choice brings some disadvantages. Firstly, cities can be extremely expensive. it is common, for example, the situation of people full employed but whose salary is just enough to cover the cost of live. Secondly, cities can be the place of loneliness, especially in time of sickness and need; people, for example, can suffer from a feeling of not belonging despite the huge number of human beings surrounding him. Nevertheless, I believe that these problems can be managed with time, above all with a wise use of money and significant relationships who can be very supportive, especially in time of need. In conclusion, the benefits offered by cities, far outweigh the issues that young people must face once they leave the rural areas to succeed in life.
A great number of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, is moving from rural areas to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, in order to study or work. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this choice can be
extremely
beneficial on the long run, despite several drawbacks It can bring.

There are two main reasons for which young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to relocate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The
first
one is the higher chance to find relevant job and education opportunities compared to rural areas. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
with high density of population are
generally
the location of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
universities and international business. There is one more reason behind this choice,
namely
the need of youth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
where daily life is lively, where there are an extreme number of opportunities to enjoy life, such as fitness, shopping, sports, pubs and restaurants.

Admittedly
, this choice brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can be
extremely
expensive.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is common,
for example
, the situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
full employed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
whose salary is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cover the cost of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can be the place of loneliness,
especially
in time of sickness and need;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
, can suffer from a feeling of not belonging despite the huge number of human beings surrounding him.
Nevertheless
, I believe that these problems can
be managed
with time,
above all
with a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of money and significant relationships who can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
supportive,
especially
in time of need.

In conclusion
, the benefits offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, far outweigh the issues that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
face once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the rural areas to succeed in life.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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