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Nowadays in many places it is found that children are given more freedom than they require What do you think is it a positive or negative development v.1

Nowadays in many places it is found that children are given more freedom than they require What do you think is it a positive or negative development v. 1
It has been observed that children enjoy more freedom then they had in the past. There are certain merits and demerits of above trend. To begin, today children are more enthusiastic and always have curiosity to explore unknown world. Thus, if we offer them flexibility then they can enhance different skills which are extremely helpful in the development of future. Further, in 21st century, parents know the value of freedom and that is why they raise their children in such an atmosphere where children have all the amenities to enjoy. Besides, restriction is always painful to kids and to enhance their creative skills and to make them self dependent, it is essential to give them freedom in their work. For example, in developed countries kids enjoy different sports and creative arts which help them to build their successful career later on. Finally, it is always beneficial to have freedom in the life to explore personal interests and to build creative image. On the other side, too much immunity sometimes create adverse effect on child. As they are in their early age, they do not have visibility and focus. Hence, many times kids become soft target for the illegal activities. In addition, if freedom becomes habit then children can not survive in the restricted environment. Moreover, it is also practically impossible for the parents to fulfill all desires and to avail all the facilities as per the wish. For instance, in India many millionaires allow their children to drive a car for the personal use. However, they are the key reason behind many hit and run accidents in which thousands of people lose their life everyday. In conclusion, freedom in the early age has advantages and disadvantages. Therefore, parents should not restrict their children and should actively monitor their activities in order to protect them from outside threats.
It has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
Did you mean "than"?
then
they had in the past. There are certain merits and demerits of above trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more enthusiastic and always have curiosity to explore unknown world.
Thus
, if we offer them flexibility then they can enhance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are
extremely
helpful in the development of future.
Further
, in 21st century, parents know the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
and
that is
why they raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in such an atmosphere where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have all the amenities to enjoy.
Besides
, restriction is always painful to kids and to enhance their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them self dependent, it is essential to give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
in their work.
For example
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
kids enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports and creative arts which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build their successful career later on.
Finally
, it is always beneficial to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
in the life to explore personal interests and to build creative image.

On the other side, too much immunity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
create adverse effect on child. As they are in their early age, they do not have visibility and focus.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times kids become soft target for the illegal activities.
In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
becomes habit then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not survive in the restricted environment.
Moreover
, it is
also
practically
impossible for the parents to fulfill all desires and to avail all the facilities as per the wish.
For instance
, in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
millionaires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to drive a car for the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
However
, they are the key reason behind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hit and run
accidents in which thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lose their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
in the early age has advantages and disadvantages.
Therefore
, parents should not restrict their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and should
actively
monitor their activities in order to protect them from outside threats.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays in many places it is found that children are given more freedom than they require What do you think is it a positive or negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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