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Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v.2

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 2
It is true that nowadays youngsters are migrating to urban areas for different purposes like education or job. There are multifarious causes of this trend and personally I believe that this phenomenon has far more benefits as compared to its drawbacks. To begin with the reasons of migration of young generation from countryside areas to big cities. Firstly, some students want to continue their study after secondary education and to get admission into the university or desired course they have to move to cities. So they can get a better education there. For example, in competitive era everyone wants to get success and if they pass their degree or course in renowned college, they would be able to get good jobs and it is clear that these colleges are in big cities. Secondly, there are many job opportunities in urban areas as all industries and department offices are in cities so people have to fulfil the needs of their family that is the reason young adults prefer to live in towns. On the negative side, there is a big disadvantage of moving to the city is overpopulation. Because urban areas are already overpopulated and if individuals from rural areas shift to these cities, then it leads to various problems like traffic congestion, pollution and dilution of resources. Apart from demerits there are some merits of this trend. As people are going to metropolitan cities for higher education, consequently it would raise the percentage of the literate citizens in a country and it would help to the nation for the development. For instance, more educate people means more doctors, more scientists so that country would grow in all aspects. Moreover, individual get good jobs in urban places as well as they start a business in these places so it would improve the living standard of people because they would be capable to earn handsome money in the cities. In conclusion, as we have seen above, there are many reasons to move cities like universities and industries are over there. I believe that city life has more advantages than disadvantages.
It is true that nowadays youngsters are migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. There are multifarious causes of this trend and
personally
I believe that this phenomenon has far more benefits as compared to its drawbacks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the reasons of migration of young generation from countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students want to continue their study after secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission into the university or desired course they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
there.
For example
, in competitive era everyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success and if they pass their degree or course in renowned college, they would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these colleges are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
as all industries and department offices are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fulfil the needs of their family
that is
the reason young adults prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in towns.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
disadvantage of moving to the city is overpopulation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are already overpopulated and if individuals from rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
shift to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, then it leads to various problems like traffic congestion, pollution and dilution of resources.

Apart from demerits there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits of this trend. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are going to metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
consequently
it would raise the percentage of the literate citizens in a country and it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the nation for the development.
For instance
, more educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
means
more doctors, more scientists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that country would grow in all aspects.
Moreover
, individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
places
as well
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business in these places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would be capable to earn handsome money in the cities.

In conclusion
, as we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
above, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
like universities and industries are over there. I believe that city life has more advantages than disadvantages.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
348 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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