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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.28

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 28
Thanks to the advanced agriculture, nowadays people enjoy great quantity and quality of food. However, there are still many people starving around the world. One of the reasons is that, the resources on the world distributed in an uneven way. Rich countries have more money, so they can easily buy food. Also, they have cutting-edge agricultural skills to grow plants, so that they know how to make their plants grow well and plant them in a huge amounts. The other reason is about the unfair profit distribution. For poor countries, they do not much knowledge to think about whether it is fair to get the profit from their products. Rich countries often cheat on them, and only give them less than 10% of profit from their products. There are some solutions due to the problem. First of all, developed countries could give hands to undeveloped countries, such as giving some physical helps or teaching them the agricultural skills. Rich countries send food to those people who are suffering from hunger, and teach them the techniques to develop their own agricultural industry. Turning to ourselves, what we normal humans can do is to buy products with fair trade labels. If the products are guaranteed with fair trade labels, it means that the farmers have got suitable profit from buyers. They are paid in a fair way. Although our agriculture is good enough for us to live, there are still many people go hungry. Perhaps we can try to do something different and treat the world better.
Thanks to the advanced agriculture, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy great quantity and quality of food.
However
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
starving around the world.

One of the reasons is that, the resources on the world distributed
Consider replacing "in an uneven way" with the adverb for "uneven"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an uneven way
. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food.
Also
, they have cutting-edge agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to grow plants,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their plants grow well and plant them in a huge
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "amount"?
amounts
. The other reason is about the unfair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
distribution. For poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they do not much knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about whether it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fair
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
from their products. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cheat on them, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give them less than 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
from their products.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions due to the problem.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could give hands to undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, such as giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
or teaching them the agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
food to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are suffering from hunger, and teach them the techniques to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
agricultural industry. Turning to ourselves, what we normal humans can do is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fair
trade labels. If the products
are guaranteed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fair
trade labels, it means that the farmers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
from buyers. They
are paid
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fair
way.

Although our agriculture is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go hungry. Perhaps we can try to do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and treat the world better.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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