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An increasing number children are overweight which could result many problems when you are older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? ? v.1

An increasing number children are overweight which could result many problems when you are older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? ? v. 1
In recent decades, the idea of an accumulative number of kids, got obesity, which will influence their health, has gained in publicity, creating tension in the public. This essay is an attempt to shed light on both justifications in addition measurements about the trend. The driving forces behind several reasons include a myriad of factors, which will be further discussed. For one thing, fast food which considers dangerous contents, in particular high sugars is eaten by juvenile people. For instance, If my brother had not taken in pizzas on a daily basis, he would not be too fat now, giving rise to the diabetes disease. Another thing, neither young boys nor young girls take part in outdoor activities, such as running or swimming, as opposed to staying at home these days. They, for example, would rather either play video games or surf Facebook and Instagram at home than enrolling in a swimming or running class to improve their health. The consequence of this problem would seem detrimental, which requires measurements to tackle. Firstly, parents should act as an incentive to to assist children in doing exercises. In this way, getting into the habit running or walking for a while for their kids is an effective way to minimize weight. Secondly, father and mother ought to take care of their children’s food ingredients, knowing that what they eat on a regular basis. According a survey by a health organization in Ho Chi Minh in 2018, for instance, they found that the movement of food contents would reduce the amount of oil and sugar which were taken into the body, which is an effect measurement to keep fit. To recapitulate briefly, the discussion of rising obese kids who may have harmful diseases when getting older due to junk food and without working out. I highly believe that there is a wide range of reasons as well as solutions for the problem and more and more parents should take time to protect their kids' health.
In recent decades, the
idea
of an accumulative number of kids,
got
obesity, which will influence their health, has gained in publicity, creating tension in the public. This essay is an attempt to shed light on both justifications
in addition
measurements about the trend.

The driving forces behind several reasons include a myriad of factors, which will be
further
discussed. For one thing,
fast
food
which considers
dangerous
contents,
in particular
high sugars
is eaten
by juvenile
people
.
For instance
, If my brother had not taken in pizzas on a daily basis, he would not be too
fat
now
, giving rise to the diabetes disease. Another thing, neither young boys nor young girls
take part
in outdoor activities, such as running or swimming, as opposed to staying at home these days. They,
for example
, would
rather
either play video games or surf Facebook and Instagram at home than enrolling in a swimming or running
class
to
improve
their health.

The consequence of this problem would seem detrimental, which requires measurements to tackle.
Firstly
, parents should act as an incentive
to to
assist children in doing exercises. In this way, getting into the habit running or walking for a while for their kids is an effective way to minimize weight.
Secondly
, father and mother ought to take care of their children’s
food
ingredients, knowing that what they eat on a regular basis.
According a
survey by a health organization in Ho Chi Minh in 2018,
for instance
, they found that the movement of
food
contents would
reduce
the amount of oil and sugar which
were taken
into the body, which is an effect measurement to
keep
fit.

To recapitulate
briefly
, the discussion of rising obese kids who may have harmful diseases when getting older due to junk
food
and without working out. I
highly
believe that there is a wide range of reasons
as well
as solutions for the problem and more and more parents should take time to protect their kids' health.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number children are overweight which could result many problems when you are older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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