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Young people are getting more influenced by friends than parents or teachers Do you agree or disagree v.2

Young people are getting more influenced by friends than parents or teachers v. 2
In today’s world young generation inspires heavily from their peers instead of parents and teachers. Up to certain extent I agree with above statement as most of them have constant touch with each others. To begin with, some people have perception that youngsters are getting more influenced from teachers and parents. Even though they are not in constant touch with youngsters, their experience, visibility and work style guide young people to build successful career. This is the reason why many students opt for same occupation in which their parents are working or choose career path as per their teacher’s guidance. On the other hand, because of the generation gap, young people always avoid to take advice from parents or teachers. Besides, they believe that to mold successful life we require creative ideas and extraordinary skills which can only be achievable if we work with same age group. Such team work not only helps individual to absorb positive characteristics of friends, but also provide great visibility to explore unseen areas. For example, Google, Infosys and many other IT giant companies were started by college graduates having creative concept in mind and today combined efforts of entire team transformed such small companies into giant organizations. Moreover, youngsters always like company of friends. They all know weaknesses and strengths of each others which give them confidence and flexibility to deal with even extreme tough problems. Further, they do not even hesitate to share money, space and time to assist needy associates. Ergo, every person rely more on friends rather than parents and teachers. For instance, many individuals choose same business or field in which their friends are already performing well. In a nutshell, today friends play pivot role in every successful person while contribution of teachers and parents gradually becomes limited.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world young generation inspires
heavily
from their peers
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. Up to certain extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with above statement as most of them have constant touch with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have perception that youngsters are getting more influenced from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Even though
they are not in constant touch with youngsters, their experience, visibility and work style guide young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to build successful career. This is the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students opt for same occupation in which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working or choose career path as per their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher’s
guidance.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the generation gap, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid taking".
avoid to take
advice from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Besides
, they believe that to mold successful life we require creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achievable if we work with same age group. Such team work not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individual to absorb
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide great visibility to explore unseen areas.
For example
, Google,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infosys
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other IT giant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by college graduates having creative concept in mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
combined efforts of entire team transformed such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
into giant organizations.

Moreover
, youngsters always like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. They all know weaknesses and strengths of each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
which give them confidence and flexibility to deal with even extreme tough problems.
Further
, they do not even hesitate to share money, space and time to assist needy associates. Ergo, every person rely more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals choose same business or field in which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are already performing well.

In a nutshell,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
play pivot role in every successful person while contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
gradually
becomes limited.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are getting more influenced by friends than parents or teachers v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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